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Dark Lord Imperial Stout | 3 Floyds Brewing Co.

1,249 Reviews
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Dark Lord Imperial StoutDark Lord Imperial Stout

Brewed by:
3 Floyds Brewing Co.
Indiana, United States | website

Style: Russian Imperial Stout

Alcohol by volume (ABV): 15.00%

Availability: Spring

Notes / Commercial Description:
A demonic Russian-Style Imperial Stout brewed with coffee, Mexican vanilla, and Indian sugar, this beer defies description. Available one day a year, in April at the brewery: Dark Lord Day.

Vintage guide:
Red wax = 2004
Orange wax = 2005
Gold wax = 2006
Silver wax = 2007
Black wax = 2008
White wax = 2009
Green wax = 2010 - 15% ABV
Yellow wax = 2011 - 15% ABV
Red wax = 2012 - 15% ABV
Orange wax = 2013 - New Label 15% ABV
Blue wax = 2014 - 15% ABV
Maroon wax = 2015 15% ABV
Black with glitter flecks wax = 2016

Added by cretemixer on 12-13-2002

User Reviews
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Reviews: 1,249 | Ratings: 4,110
Photo of mrmanning
4.03/5  rDev -5.8%
look: 4.5 | smell: 4 | taste: 4 | feel: 4 | overall: 4

Bottle courtesy, and hanks to the very generoue Philip! Thanks my friend! 05 Bottle/Orange wax- I’ve been sitting on this one for about 8 months now, and I felt it was time to treat myself. Pours a pitch black oily abyss with a frothed cap of mocha evil. Lots of spotty lace and dusting. Enormous coffee/coffee bean/double espresso aroma with some dark rum, dark chocolate, vanilla bean, burboun, and american hops.Big big bad deep rooted espresso flavours are accompanied by lots of dark chocolate, woodsy earthy booziness, vanilla extract, dark rum, and lots of bittering hops. FInishes HUGE, dry as the desert, chalky, and assertive. I like it. Once again, thank you so much Phil for saving this, and trading it to me last year. I appreciate the opportunity!

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Photo of tjthresh
4.38/5  rDev +2.3%
look: 5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 4 | feel: 5 | overall: 4.5

2005 bottle. Pours black with a moussey brown head. The heads has some kick ass red tones. Tons of lace. The aroma is full of molasses, vanilla, dried dark fruits, winey alcohol, and cherry cough syrup. Sweet malts, abur sufficenlty bitter. Grape juice, burnt steak, and dried cherries. Meaty thick, coating, and warming. What a huge beer. I’m not a real fan of the Russian style of imperial stout. I tend to enjoy the American versions, but this is damn good.

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Photo of Derek
4/5  rDev -6.5%
look: 4 | smell: 4 | taste: 4 | feel: 4 | overall: 4

2005 Vintage.

A: Black, tan head, some retention & lace.

S: Roasted coffee, cocoa, alcohol, brown sugar, licorous.

T: Pine, coffee, roasted grain, cocoa. Alcohol is very warming, but not harsh. Good bitterness. I expected a little more depth to the flavour.

M: Moderate to full body, well-attenuated, slightly dry & chalky, moderate carbonation.

D: Good considering the strength.

A good all-round beer. I assume it was better fresh?

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Photo of mcallister
4.35/5  rDev +1.6%
look: 5 | smell: 5 | taste: 4 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4

I've been sitting on 12 bottles of this since Dark Lord day. I actually had one bottle in a 10 beer blind tasting recently and have traded two away. If this is anything like the oak aged I tried at Dark Lord day I'm in for a treat.

Pours a sludgey, crude oil black. An awesome dark brown/mocha head sits atop for about a minute than fades away into little if any lace.

May be the best nose on a beer I've witnessed. Accept for maybe Kentucky Breakfast Stout. But this is a totally different beast. Thick black cherry, freshly ground hawaiian coffee beans, big anise, alcohol, mollasses, hints of honey, plum, and sweetly delicious malt. Layers upon layers of complex bold aromas.

So far 5's on everything. I normally don't like to give a beer all 5's unless it's something special. This beer is definitely that. A smack in the mouth of sweet burnt roasty malts are overcome with black currant, black cherry galore, vanilla, strong fresh coffee, dark bitter bakers chocolate, thick sweet mollasses, plums, honey, and hints of toffee. All followed by a nice bitter ending that brings it together. A nice alcohol burn is left in the chest but nothing bad considering it's 13% abv. The finish is about 35 to 45 seconds, shorter than anticipated yet still sufficient. The complexity to this beast is gargantuan. I think it still needs another two years at least to balance itself and reveal many of it's nuances that are hidden beneath.

Mouth feel is thick, and viscous. Nearly like drinking motor oil. The only hit this one takes is in drinkability. Would be hard to drink many of these although if you have the supply I'm willing to drink it until I pass out.

Can't wait to try this again in a few months, and really again in a few years. God bless Three Floyds Brewery.

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Photo of scruffwhor
4.87/5  rDev +13.8%
look: 4.5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 5 | overall: 4.5

I bought six bottles from the Drak Lord release party 2006. Gave one to a friend as a gift and kept the other five. This is the first one I've opened since the release of the 2006 Dark Lord. Gold capped.

Appearance- Pours a viscous, oily, syrupy black with some very deep fudge highlights. Good luck if you can see anything in this beer. Let alone bubbles. Some light Brussel's lacing. But coats the inside of the glass with a light, spent motor oil color. Awesome.

Smell- Starts with some burnt coffee beans you'd smell at the perfume store. But lets not forget the creamy, toffee aroma that develops more as it gets warmer. Almost like evil butterscotch.

Taste- As it warmed up, the dark roasted mocha turns into a more Starbucks espresso with lots of cream and light cane sugar flavor takes hold. Thats in the fornt of the tongue. The middle brings out the more viney, black cherry and vanilla flavor. The back of the tongue and throat are like a burnt potato skin with some Starbucks liquer. Awesomely complex.

Mouthfeel- Very thick, rich creamy, a little bitter, but very syrupy and oily.

This beer deserves to be one of the best beers in the world. I only wish more BA's could get their hands on it.

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Photo of danielocean03
4.95/5  rDev +15.7%
look: 5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 5

Thanks again to Mike Sprinkle for letting me purchase this from him on my 21st Birthday.

2006 Release: Gold wax-capped 22oz. Bomber

Appearance is an opaque, oily, obsidian deep black, with a thin dark tan head that slowy gives way to a light brown ring of lacing. Aroma is sweet and malty, dark sweet fruits, chocolate and smoky roasted grain with some brown-sugary molasses. Warming sugary alcohols linger in the nose, slight burning. Taste is just as complex as the smell, even more so. Rich dark chocolate and roasted coffee, more dark fruits, ripe cherries and figs, sweet molasses round out the bittering dark chocolate and malt flavors. Deliciously bitter aftertaste couples with an appreciative alcohol burn that comes and goes sip by sip, leaves one waiting for the next taste. Very quaffable brew, delectable and sinfully decadent. Mouthfeel is definitely full bodied as they come, heavy and viscous like used motor oil from a cold engine. Carbonation is practically nonexistent under the weight of this super-thick stout, just a light tingle present on the tongue. Drinkability is unbelievable, smooth and silken, abv is noticeable but far from overpowering. Easily the best beer I've had, from one of the best breweries. Strongly recommend, will purchase again should the opportunity arise.

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Photo of Deconstructionis
4.62/5  rDev +7.9%
look: 4.5 | smell: 5 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4.5

This is a stout Stout. Rich, potent flavorful, complex-- a classic.

As close to black as it is possible to get with a creamy light brown head that subsides to a surface foam. one of the best smelling beers ever. Roasted malt mixed with coffee. pecans and light smoke. This is beer. the taste is robustly malt with everything else appropriately in the background but what a background-- coffee, chocolate, nuts, a hint of smoke, savory spice-- just a real work of art. Rich, luxurious even, body but not overly syrupy. This is a heavy brew in all respects but so good you'll be tempted to indulge past the point of good sense.

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Photo of Dogbrick
4.95/5  rDev +15.7%
look: 5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 5

Sampled at the Odds and Ends Tasting on 8/16/06 (2005 Bottle): After the utter perfection of the first year's sample of this beer, I was frankly a little let down the first time I tried the 2005 bottle a year ago. I have to say this was a lot better after being aged a bit. Pours blacker than black with a thick brown head with good lasting power. Heady aroma of dark malts, coffee and chocolate. Rich and full-bodied, this nectar was made for an almost agonizingly slow drink. Great array of flavors from malt, cocoa, espresso to bitter hops and peppery alcohol. The finish is long and flavorful. Even a realtively small amount of this reminds me why it is one of the best beers on the planet.

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Photo of weeare138
4.72/5  rDev +10.3%
look: 4.5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4

Thanks to kmpitz2 for this '05 version...
Appears a pitch black with a dark tan, 3 finger head that slowly fades out. Spots of lace are left all around the glass.
Smell is of chocolate, toffee, citrusy hops, anise, coffee, oatmeal, maple/mollasses syrupy and whiskey-ish...very complex and addictive.
Taste is of the mentioned aromas. Great mix of the aromas with a rich, tobacco like flavor mixed in to the mix of the wonderful aromas.
Mouthfeel is of rich syrup, full bodied, maple and malt sugars that stick to the palate with a remarkable hoppiness that is trying to come through this malt billed monster.
I enjoyed this so much. It's very rich and syrupy with sugar abound! Excellent work. Notch another one up for the Americans.

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Photo of beermanbrian
4.82/5  rDev +12.6%
look: 4.5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4.5

2006 gold wax

Much thanks to my brother for standing in line in the rain for 2 hours for this one. Had one bottle of it on the eve of his wedding a few months ago and have finally decided to break open a 2nd one. 2 left in the cellar for future tastings.

Pours a deep dark black color but it has a brown tint to it when held up to the light. A fine bubbled dark tan head foams up with the pour and quickly drops to a ring around the edge of the glass.

Smell is huge. Expresso, dark chocolate, dark fruits, bourbon. Just a rich overpowering smell that makes you crave that first sip.

The taste dosn't dissapoint. Rich roasted coffee beans, deep dark chocolate and just an overall thick full taste. A little bit of smokeyness comes through.

Actually not as heavy as i expected on the mouthfeel. The alcohol shows itself but isn't obtrusive.

Drinkability - well it certainly isn't a session beer, and that is the understatement of the year. It is a real sipper of a beer and one you can sit and enjoy. If you have a chance to taste this beer you must try it. Is it worth the hype, maybe. Is it worth the $15, definately. Don't pass this one up if you are lucky enough to grab one.

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Photo of expatsteve
4.74/5  rDev +10.7%
look: 4 | smell: 5 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 5 | overall: 5

With a huge thanks to battlekow for the liberal pours and to Golden2wenty1 for the chance to try this - and to my wife for letting me run off in the middle of the night to drink good beer.

Appearance: Ominous - black, viscous, with no visibility. Pours with a brief amber/cappucino head that subsides to leave just the faintest lacing. One of the most inky beers I've ever seen.

Aroma: Impressive nose - sour cherries, espresso, molasses, dried plums, with just enough cocoa and brown sugar to keep it crisp and complex. Nutty, slightly salty finish. Constant sweet fruits. The nose on this is something that impressed me the whole glass through.

Taste: Nicely balanced flavor - immediate booze tingle subsides to reveal and rich medley of chocolate, brown sugar, roasted soy and thick upfront plums. Bitterness on the middle palate gives way to an impressive full malt finish. Develops a good biscuity finish that I really didn't expect from such a thick beer. A study in constant complex flavor rather than development.

Mouthfeel: Thick, smooth, with the initial booze flourish mediate through an amazing malt finish and aftertaste. Excellent masking, without resorting to oversweetening.

Drinkability: Great. Not sure what else I could say about it - a dark and hungry god that is worthy of its place alongside Stone IRS and other imperial stouts.

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Photo of Golden2wenty1
4.79/5  rDev +11.9%
look: 4 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4.5

Gold waxed 2006 bottle graciously shared by battlekow with expatsteve and myself - a million thanks for the opportunity, Eric.

Pour: midnight black-kind of what you'd expect from a beer called Dark Lord, super viscous with a skim of capuccino/cocoa foam that fizzles to a skim under the strain of 13%abv.

Nose: lactose-y cream 'n espresso, booze soaked rasins and dates, jerky smoke, cherry/plum yogurt and caramel sugar...Glade needs to make air fresheners out of this stuff.

Taste: tons of potent dark fruits - black cherries, "burnt currants" raisins, plums, etc, boozy apple skin esters, roasted coffee with gobs of baker's chocolate and sweet/funky cherry yogurt...I'm exhausted just thinking about it the morning after.

Feel: rich, slick, evaporating booze throughout the sinuses make this a valid, yet expensive alternative to Vick's Vap-o-rub, with smooth, fine carbonation.

Drinkability/Overall: This is a beast of a beer, no doubt about it. Super boozy, reminds me of a mix between Founders Breakfast Stout with its coffee/chocolate and Bell's Cherry Stout with its funky, yogurty fruits. Impressively drinkable for 13%. A product of hype and supply and demand? Absolutely. Does it live up to said hype? I don't know if any beer could. This is a phenomenal beer, but I can't say that at $15 a bottle and for the pilgrimage and fuss it takes to get it that it's a good value. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed every sip of it and will probably end up making the trip to Munster next year to pick up a bottle, but mostly to enjoy the BA comraderie.

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Photo of AaronHomoya
4.43/5  rDev +3.5%
look: 4.5 | smell: 4 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 5 | overall: 4.5

2006 edition with gold wax.

Pours a deep black color with a very dark tan/brown head and light carbonation. The aroma is rich, roasty and sweet with an almost worchestershire sauce or soy sauce character. The flavor is huge, sweet and malty, roasted, some chocolate and coffee character in the middle, followed by some hops flavor and bitterness in the finish. Mouthfeel is amazingly thick and rich, but still smooth. Alcohol is barely noticeable (in the taste and mouthfeel) after a few months of cellaring. Very drinkable for such a huge beer, but so bold and intense it's a bit much for frequent drinking.

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Photo of granger10
4.4/5  rDev +2.8%
look: 5 | smell: 5 | taste: 4 | feel: 5 | overall: 4

Split a bottle of this after the Michigan Summer Beer Fest with BigDaddyWil. 2005 vintage. Review from some great notes.

Looks like motor oil with a medium super tan head. Good retention but not too much lacing. It's just soooo black and thick, with the creamy mocha whipped topping atop, perfect.

Aroma is intense. I got a sherry like flavor right at the start. Kind of a stronger cherry and vanilla flavor than I was expecting. Then the chocolate and roasted espresso come into play.

Taste is good but I don't know if I'd rank it with the bests of them. Really really thick and rich from the onset. The main flavor seems to be an overly roasted coffee aspect. An earthyness to it but with a shot or maybe two shots of mocha dropped in. Slight vinous qualities in the middle with a touch of alcohol, but not too much. Then a bitter coffee like finish with a touch of caramel or vanilla.

The carbonation was quite amazing for such a big beer. It helped me drink this by offsetting a little bit of the intense rich flavors the beer had to offer. I might still choose Stone or Bell's RIS's over this one but I'd definitely get this again. Big thanks to the BigDaddy for his kindness in sharing! I really need to do a blind RIS tasting with this one and see how it compares.

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Photo of Truh
4.25/5  rDev -0.7%
look: 4 | smell: 4 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4

Obeyed the orders of the Master with this one on 7/5/2006. 1 pt. 6 fl. oz. 2006 bottle poured twice in a shaker. Shout out to friend and fellow BA Warriorsoul for this one.

Little to no head to speak of when poured vigorously in the shaker. Just a friar tuck of coffee jangle on the edge, with a weird nebula striation on the top. Back in the day, a medicine man may have divined the future off of this stuff. That responsibilty has fallen in this layman's hands now, thankfully. Pitch, dark black hue would require a mag light to penetrate; can't tell if anything is happening in there; very quiet, as if even sound is swallowed by it. On first whiff, soy is the predominant characteristic, followed by pickled prunes, coffee grounds, some charred, earthy cinnamon, and baker's chocolate. On the mouth, overripe prunes, dark toffee, smoky resin, and black licorice all combine to make an interesting flavor profile, almost candy-like. The alcohol is noted almost immediately at the tail end of the mouth; a warming touch that seems to grow more pronounced as the pour sits. Probably would not drink more than one bomber of this in a sitting, not only because of it's alcohol kick, but also because of it's scarcity.

Who can meet most of the hype that surrounds its ale? The Three Floyds men can, the Three Floyds men can…

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Photo of ChainGangGuy
4.75/5  rDev +11%
look: 4.5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 5 | feel: 5 | overall: 4.5

Appearance: Pours out a thick dark, inky black with a churning, burbling chestnut-brown head. The type of stuff you see seagulls and sealions coated in on the news.

Smell: A rich, aggressive aroma greets the nose, unleashing waves of dark-roasted coffee, chocolate-covered cherries, anise, sorghum, and booze. Okay, you got my attention.

Taste: Phenomenally flavorful! A complex breadth of tastes that knows no bounds. Cherry-topped Black Forest cake marinated in Sambuca served with espresso with a hint of tobacco tossed in. Roasted bitter, bittersweet finish.

Mouthfeel: No question about it, this beer is full-bodied, taking 'chewy' to a whole new (and frightening) level. There's a sensational creaminess to it that pairs perfectly with it's charming warming nature.

Drinkability: Exquisite! Truly, a beer to be celebrated.

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Photo of UncleFlip
4.72/5  rDev +10.3%
look: 4.5 | smell: 5 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 5

2006 bottling. Served at room temperature.

Very large active cascading head,and a scant one finger of liquid under.head and liquid eventually even out. Head is dark tan, liquid is just black. There's a slight cola fringe when held to the light.

First thing that hits you onthe nose is deep dark molasses, then dark cherries, rasins, and some almond. Eventually a chocolatey/smoky smell emerges.

A smokiness hits me right up front. A lovely sort of burnt molasses hits right after, then some rasin, and a little cherry. There's awoodinessthatdevolps high on the palate as it progresses, along with a pronounced bitternes. Rather nice. Very in-your-face, but that's the point.

Mouthfeel is very nice- with a hearty thick liquid paired up with a rather miniscule carbonation.

I find this one amazngly drinkable- but not quite as drinkable as the bourbon barrel aged 05 Dark Lord.

Be well

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Photo of Fish113d
4.43/5  rDev +3.5%
look: 5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4

From a bottle chilled, and poured into a pint glass, it pours pitch black with a wonderfully cascading huge (3") mocha-colored head with just a hint of ruby hue.

Aroma is mostly chocolate with caramel maltiness. I also get the hint of coffee and a bit of grassy hops. However, the alcohol hits my nostrals as well. Smell is mostly of sweet caramel and chocolate. Maybe even some rasberry in there as well. I also find some oak aromas (drying). Very complex and complete!

Taste is of mocha chocolate and some fruitiness (rasberries). I also get some major caramel sweetness and just a bit of drying and hops on the finish. The finish is also a bit roasty. Yum!

Very thick, creamy, and syrupy body. Alcohol is well-aparent, but doesn't distract from the taste at all. Very little carbonation at about 60 degrees (F).

Overall, I definitely gotta thank Sulldaddy for hooking me up for my wedding with this one. Very yummy, and makes a great meal! This is probably the most complete brew I've ever had IMO!!! Except for the oil quality, this one drinks nicely!

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Photo of sinstaineddemon
4.48/5  rDev +4.7%
look: 4.5 | smell: 4 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4

thanks to Robertdoesbeer for this bottle

2006 vintage

A - this stout pours Black Hole black, with a half finger thick dark brown head, that fizzes and is darker around the edge of the glass

S - smells like a dark red wine with chocolate hints, dark fruit aromas like figs, the aroma is so thick and rich its overpowering, i cannot smell any hops at all

T - damn, this is a complex stout, ok, here we go, warming dark red wine flavors up front, these melt away into dark chocolate and slight coffee flavors associated with high quality imperial stouts, and the finish is a combination of these chocolate flavors and dark fruit flavors normally associated with barleywines, the aftertaste is rich and poignant, a strong bitter coffee flavor, this beer may make me move to Indiana

M - this is a thicker than thick beer, closer to syrupy than thick, its smooth and warming, and this is very palatable especially for such a high ABV, extremely impressed

D - again, drinkability is very high, a rich thick warm taste, smooth and palatable especially for such a high ABV, that ABV is the only drawback in the drinkability

the hype surrounding this brew is immeasurable, and it not only lived up to it but surpassed it as well, a quality brew with complex flavors, thanks again to Robertdoesbeer, never would've gotten my hands on any without him

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Photo of beveragecaptain
4.48/5  rDev +4.7%
look: 5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 5 | overall: 4

Bomber purchased at the brewery, Dark Lord day 2006. This beer chugs out of the bottle thick and black. There appears to be very little carbonation at first, but the head forms slowly after the beer is poured. The aroma is big and malty with lots of chocolate, coffee, tobacco, and a grape-like fruitiness. The flavor is very chocolatey. I can understand the comparisons to a milkshake. Alcohol is high enough to burn a little. The flavor is almost perfect, but there is just a little too much sweetness. A bitter roastiness comes in at the finish, but overall this is a sweet beer. The mouthfeel is amazing. It's so thick and smooth. Drinkability is very good for a beer this big. A very interesting take on the Russian Imperial Stout.

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Photo of ddarden
4.75/5  rDev +11%
look: 4.5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 5 | feel: 5 | overall: 4.5

22oz Bomber - thanks uncle flip

Poured into a chimay chalice....black with a reddish brown head that falls very quickly. Almost no carbonation and no light getting through this beer. The smell is alcohol, dried fruit, coffee, roasted malt. Very complex. The taste executes on the smell....cherries, vanilla, nice finishing hops, and ends with a very nice alcohol warming. Definitely one of the best beers in world. The alcohol is present but very well blended with the other flavors. The mouthfeel is perfect for the style...thick, chewy and smooth. The drinkablility for the style is great, not perfect due to the alcohol, but about as close as it gets. Excellent beer!

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Photo of Brian700
4.82/5  rDev +12.6%
look: 4.5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4.5

I should mention that this is the '05 because they used a different kind of coffee (starbucks I believe) than in the '06 version.

This pours super thick and black. It has a nice brown head that stuck around for a while. It looks like you could pours this on a skillet and make Dark Lord Pancakes with it.

The Aroma is Chocolate, Coffee, Roasted Malt.

The flavor is simply amazing. It is full of Chocolate flavors that are blended perfectly with the coffee presence. Great roastiness going on here. I was worried that this beer wasn't going to live up to the hype but it has far surpassed the hype.

The mouthfeel is full bodied with medium carbonation. Coats the mouth nicely leaving behind nothing put liquid smiles.

This is a very drinkable beer. Good luck getting your hands on any.

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Photo of mynie
5/5  rDev +16.8%
look: 5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 5 | overall: 5

Cut to a street corner. Early morning. Two children waiting for a school bus. This could be your street corner. These could be your children.

Little Billy wears a pair of denim shorts cut off just below the knee, a white T-shirt announcing his membership in Little League, and a ball cap. His pal, Little Andy, is a bit rough around the edges—his shirt is worn, and he has decided to wait for the bus without the benefit of a hat. Andy is a "cool cat," as the kids say, the worst kind of ruffian—the kind that makes horseplay and delinquency seem like the "hip" thing to do.

"Hey," says Andy. Billy knows that Andy's about to say something real "keen."


"You ever felt like a real man before?"

A strange question to you or I, but Billy knows that Andy's leading somewhere, Billy can tell that he should answer honestly.

"Once, when my dad took me fishin'."

"Ahh, no. None of that. I mean a *real man*. You ever felt like one of those?"

"I—I guess not."

There's a sound, a familiar sneeipt that Billy's heard several times before. It's an adult sound, a sound he knows he shouldn't ever hear, but he wants so bad to impress Andy he doesn't seem afraid.

Andy takes a slurp of a can of Budweiser's "Light" brand beer and, making a face, hands the can over to Billy. Billy doesn't think. The can's in his hand and it's nothing but a silver and blue flash up to his mouth, the taste of stale bread and his grandfather's breath. He coughs, but sucks some down, and then hands the can back to Andy. Yes, now he is a real "home dog," he's ready to start skate boarding and listening to R and B music.

But wait…Andy's looking in the other direction, his mouth open like a hungry dog. Billy turns his head to see what Andy's looking at and—oh no, it can't be! But yes it is. First it's a dot, and then it's a blob, and then, oh god and then marching towards them big as life and sure and hell it's none other than "Mean" Joe Green, and he is one bad dude.

Andy falls over and starts crying. Billy keeps looking at the ground. He can't move. Mean Joe's getting closer and closer and he can't move, he can't run, he can't do anything but shake. All he wanted was to be cool, and now look at him. Mean Joe gets so close his shadow blocks out all the sunlight. Billy starts to tremble, to squeak out a plea.

"P-p-please Mean Joe. Please don't murder me!"

Mean Joe laughs.

"Murder you? On the football field, maybe. What I want to know is, why do you childrens think that drinking Bud Light's gonna make you real men?"

"I just did what Andy did. He's radical."

"Well, he don't look radical to me."

Billy looked down. Andy was covered in vomit, was passed out mumbling like a drowned nun.

"Gee, I guess you're right."

Mean Joe laughs, again, reaches inside his pants and pulls out a mysterious, wax-covered bottle.

"Here, he says, if you wanna be a *real* man, drink one of these."

"I will, Mean Joe. I will."

Billy didn't go to school that day, nor did he try and wake up Andy. Instead, he went behind a shed to look at his new bottle. I found him there, and I hit him over the head with a pipe to steal his bottle of Dark Lord. Seriously, a kid isn't gonna like this.

It's too dark, for one. The head is little and brown which is pretty remarkable considering the massive amount of alcohol in this—but what's really on display here is the darkness. Think about the time before you were born and that's Dark Lord.

We're raised to appreciate two kinds of goodness in the worlds of taste and of smell. There's the natural and the artificial. Cherry Jolly Ranchers taste good, and so do real cherries, even if they don't taste anything alike. This is a combination of the best natural, earthen, fruity, and grainy smells you've ever come across, along with the best unnatural, chemical smells.

Kids don't know the smells of unprocessed molasses, burnt grain, or wood smoke. This would seem like a medicine chest mixed with a cookie jar mixed with a walk in a field—one whiff could scar a kid for life.

Too much complexity. On the very tip of the tongue it tastes like a dark wine, then it gets bittersweet, like fire roasted grain, browning apples, and molasses, then it gets regular sweet, like half-dark chocolate and a café mocha, and then it gets a little zippy, like Belgian alcohol and yeast. That's—that's like you're falling down a hill of flavor and then you climb it back up again, from the valley of the alcohol, into the sweet, and then into the bittersweet, and then into the wine. Giving this to a child would be like giving them a bar of acid and taking them to Disneyland. Nothing would ever make them feel happy again, ever.

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Photo of HappyHourHero
4.47/5  rDev +4.4%
look: 4.5 | smell: 5 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4 | overall: 4

A thick cherry brown head grew late in the pour. A very Dark Lord looking beer that seems to suck in light. Marshmallow, coffee, cocoa, even a bit of tobacco along with all kinds of dark malts in the aroma. The aroma is chock full of good stuff. Frickin sweet, man is it sweet, but there is a nice dryness from the dark malt that hits midway. Some solid cherry/tobacco flavors in there as well. Finish is fairly bitter, but not overpowering. Intense, and tasty. It's so sugary my lip stuck to the glass. There it goes again. It's a sipper, but that's a no brainer. Slick, but not too thick. My only complaint is the intense cherry flavor I'm getting. If I were to make a comparison I'd say it's like Storm Kings beefy sibling. Thanks to Shippos for making the pilgrimage!

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Photo of walleye
4.28/5  rDev 0%
look: 5 | smell: 4.5 | taste: 4 | feel: 4 | overall: 4.5

well I thought it was time to rate this beer got a couple in trades from 2 differant R.B.s 06 version. poured a like old black oil that hasm’t been changed for 20,000 miles(my favorite color) with a big brown head that didn’t last, but left a small amount of lacing. aroma, molasses comes out strong, than got dark sweet cherries that are at their prime, vanilla,, brown sugar, roasted malts and some dark fruits. flavor dark fruits marinated in alcohol, raisins, some chocolate, as the beer warms in my glass it get sweeter a starting to get a slight bitterness to it. not to bad

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Dark Lord Imperial Stout from 3 Floyds Brewing Co.
95 out of 100 based on 1,249 ratings.