Big Hurt Beer - Big Hurt Brewing Company
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Ratings: 69 | Reviews: 29 | Display Reviews Only:
1.56/5 rDev -40.2%
12oz can. Yet another marketing company trying to pass itself off as a brewery, and through the Minhas, urp, 'craft' operation of Monroe, WI, at that. Christ on a crutch, when is this charade going to finally end? (Successful, this time) arson? That would surely at least be some sort of 'big hurt', amirite?
This beer pours a clear, bright medium golden yellow colour, with two pudgy fingers of frothy, agreeably foamy, and crackling off-white head, which leaves some actual, honest to the flying spaghetti monster in the sky, roiling sea wave lace around the glass as it rashly beats it outta town (wishful thinking pervades, it would seem).
It smells of sugary corn and rice compote, plastic warehouse packaging, bland apple and pear fruity notes, generic wet garbage (as opposed to premium), bottom shelf (is that a thing?) cheap-ass honey, and subtle like a sledgehammer vegetal, let's just say, hops. The taste is literally gag-inducing (I could barely keep my first glug down, no shit), as the nail polish character of this joke of a beer cannot be denied - though the lowbrow honey and mushy drupe fruit essences may beg to differ, I'm not in an alms-giving mood. Perhaps a bit of American's worst fake vanilla-infused snack cakes (representing the malt here, for all you mouth-breathers, I mean 'raters' out there) worms its way in as well, but it's too little, well, just too little for me to really give a rat's ass about.
The bubbles are plainly evident in their pandering frothiness, the body medium weight, sure, but all inexpensive corn sugars, all the time, baby - fuck me 'til I'm dead and I can't get back - thankyouverymuch, Monster Magnet! Smoothness? You wanna talk about smoothness? Go ahead, I've got better things to do. It finishes still sweet, sugary, and yet not overly boozy - what's this, a silver lining? If there's fool's gold, then there must be the equivalent for the good ol' Ag, non?
Gaaah! While the booze doesn't really cause any problems here, it's about the only thing that doesn't (double negatives for the win!). Minhas' inbred, insidious, and apparently thorough industrial effluent house character in on full display here, for, well, for worse only, I don't think I really gotta say. This is the brewer's best-suited 'style', and yet, this offering is nothing less than a fucking hurtful (hey - truth in advertising!) mess.
06-19-2014 04:39:42 | More by biboergosum
2.96/5 rDev +13.4%
Another beer from the creator of the canquest, woodychandler. Poured from a 24 oz. can. Has a bright yellow color with a 1/2 inch head. Smell has some sweetness, malts, a bit of plastics. Taste is malts, alcohol, a touch of sweetness, some green apples, not very good but certainly drinkable. Feels light in the mouth and overall is not a bad beer, about average for this style.
02-20-2014 00:52:33 | More by tone77
2.76/5 rDev +5.7%
A: The beer is crystal clear light yellow in color and has a light to moderate amount of visible carbonation. It poured with a quarter finger high white head that died down but consistently left a thin head covering the surface and a thick collar that rose up around the edge of the glass, dissipating into lacing.
S: Light to moderate aromas of corn adjuncts are present in the nose along with notes of green grapes.
T: The taste mostly follows the smell and has flavors of corn and grapes along with hints of apples and a slight amount of sweetness.
M: It feels a bit shy of being medium-bodied on the palate and has a moderate amount of carbonation.
O: For an American Malt Liquor, this beer is pretty good. No alcohol flavors are present and the taste isn't really dominated by flavors of adjunct malts.
11-09-2013 05:40:38 | More by metter98
2.1/5 rDev -19.5%
It is beers like this one that have really earned me my stripes on The CANQuest (TM). You need only read carefully to understand just what is transpiring here. "Beer is brewed at/by another brewery." The CAN identifies it as being from Monroe, WI, home of my arch-nemesis, Minhas Craft Brewery. Oh boy.
I wondered about the name when I first bought it, but it is in honor of former CHISox slugger, Frank "Big Hurt" Thomas, which I like since CHI is my third-favorite North AmeriCAN city behind SF and Pittsburgh. Had I not latched onto the PGH sports teams as a kid, I would have been a CHI sports fan and Sox, not Cubs.
The Crack was good, but the Glug was a stop 'n' go affair as it simply wanted to foam up and be a general pain in the ass. The smell really activated my gag reflex with its combination of cotton CANdy, plastics factory and dry cleaning plant odors. Upon settling, I ended up with two rocky fingers of bone-white head with marginal retention. Loads of lacing in its wake as it fell. Color was a pale straw-yellow with NE-quality clarity and loads of CO2 bubbles in evidence. It was as effervescent as Alka-Seltzer, which I may need after I am done with this. Bringing it up to my mouth, I caught a whiff of what smelled like hydrogen peroxide and I began to sweat. Suddenly, the heavy tramp of Cybermen could be heard in the alley behind my gate. I was once again going to be subsumed by dint of drinking a CANcoction unfit for humans. Curse you, Minhas, for being a front for these unfeeling aliens! My first sip was initially decent, with a full, creamy mouthfeel and an initial taste of vanilla, Twinkie-like, until I got hit with the rest of it. Let me now turn to Jeremy Gordon of TheClassical.org for his take: "two flavors stood out for me in Big Hurt: 1) sour and 2) gross, with an aftertaste that felt like I’d just spit out a mouthful of shaving cream. Other taste impressions written down: “sawdust pie”; “boiled down baby bottle nipples”; “burp-flavored Sour Patch Kids”; “Drano martini.” Ha! I would find that even more humorous were it not for the fact that my bodily functions were beginning to cease and my joints were turning into aluminum. You know, I always wondered what became of all of those CANs that I recycled, but now it dawns on me that they are made into Cybermen suits into which our brains are transferred. ALCOA is a shill for the Cybermen! I am selling my stock ASAP. Quiet! The Cyberleader is giving us our orders. I now love the taste of this beverage. It smells perfect. I really like the bone-dry aspect of the finish which renders it very refreshing inside of this metallic suit. I must buy more and pass it out to all of my acquaintances. The Cyberleader has spoken and I hear and obey.
06-24-2013 19:39:27 | More by woodychandler
3.58/5 rDev +37.2%
So while I was in Costco picking up some things. I grab a two bottles of Brother Thelonius, then look to my left. Who's sitting there?! "The Big Hurt" Frank Thomas. Behind him the good sized display of Big Hurt Beer. So I gave it a shot, good price, though I wasn't too enthused with the fact that it was in a can. The logo is crafty, but the can itself lacks a little pizzazz overall. After letting a few chill I poured the lager.
At first I was surprised at it's clarity and crisp smell. It has a nice head to it, nothing too overboard. The taste is mostly clean with bit of a back tongue grab. It's finish is clean and non lingering, and that's what I like in a lager. Overall it was somewhat better than what I was expecting.
06-09-2013 03:32:30 | More by CthePhotog
2.2/5 rDev -15.7%
So somebody contracts a shitty malt liquor and then decides step #2 is to start a brewpub?
"13 129" printed on the bottom, Julian date of April 2013, guessing a production date.
Pale anemic yellow, super rapid racing trails of carbonation, looks like corn soda. Thin layer of bone white foam, recedes to a thin skim that breaks after the first sip.
Smells like cheap wine, silage, and malaise.
Harsh astringency, numbing alcohol. Flaccid without any flavor. Grain husks and wet paper, cheap wine with club soda carbonation. People think this is actually decent? Lol...
05-03-2013 02:02:13 | More by emerge077
Big Hurt Beer from Big Hurt Brewing Company
65 out of 100 based on 69 ratings.