Dos Equis Special Lager - Cervecería Cuauhtémoc Moctezuma, S.A. de C.V.
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Ratings: 1,950 | Reviews: 524 | Display Reviews Only:
Reviews by ptykozoon:
1.25/5 rDev -54.4%
look: 3 | smell: 1.5 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1
"Gringo!" he barked "Go take your fancy princess beer and shove it up your burro!" His shrieks echoed in the dry heat, the heat was instigating him, rivers of sweat ran down his leathery face like veins. He was a man at the constant point of no return, one of us was going to burn. As he started walking towards me I found that I could not move, the smell of his sweat arrived a few yards before he did and I found myself paralyzed by this animal of a man, now just inches away. A primal beast that didn't care about anything but proving his dominance over others.
I felt the fear swelling up in my stomach, finding myself more and more hopeless with each stilted breath I took in. I decided then and there, to my own surprise that I wasn't going to cower down in fear, I clenched every muscle in my body, looked him in the eye and almost shouted "Listen buddy I am drinking a La Fin Du Monde, its ABV is 10% alright, that's more than most bee..." He cut me off with furious throaty laughter, his head reeled back as he let out howls of insanity. "HAHAHA you fool..." he quickly slapped my glass to the floor, shattering it, all the time his eyes locked on mine, his smile now turning to an sinister grimace.
I stood there and felt myself getting sick, like the air I was breathing was toxic, I knew I had to get out of there, I felt my life was now in serious danger. So I did something wild, I punched him straight in the jaw as hard as I could and ran out of the bar at cheetah pace. My sprint was cut short when two grizzly looking men stopped me at the exit, they caught me and held me by the arms, slowly dragging me back to the bar. As my legs slid across the dirty floor I found myself screaming for help, but my yells fell on deaf ears as all the patrons seemed to have left when this group had walked in - I should have noticed I thought, should have known.
I was a child at that point, so scared and helpless I felt like I was going to throw up. As they lifted me up back onto the bar stool, the apparent leader of the group, the one I had just so recently signed my death wish with only grinned at me, his gnarled yellow teeth clenched like a madmans. "Now chico, we are going to have fun. You are going to drink a mans beer, so pick up your pencil and notepad and write about...this shit." His friends laughed softly, knowingly, like I was about to experience a fiendish torture only left up to the imagination, I imagined it would be some sort of drug or poison, some kind of shady toxin that would have me curled up into a pool of blood before my ultimate demise. He marched to the bar, grabbed a bottle off the shelf and walked back towards me, I was seeing double at this point, half dazed at the thought of my life ending so oddly.
He set the bottle on the table and pulled the cap off with his bare wrists, when he did, he and his cronies flinched back a little, as if they feared even a drop of it would be spilled anywhere near them. Their eyes all locked on to the bottle with a sort of fearful concentration, as if it were a python waiting to pounce. As I shook the dizziness from my head I managed to focus in on the label. "Dos Equis" It must have been a joke I thought, I looked back at them but they didn't laugh, in fact I was absolutely sure that what I saw in their eyes was fear, a real instinctual fear that even these monsters were terrified by. "Now" he said slowly "Pick up the bottle, and drink it. Write down your review for us." I wasn't sure but I thought one of them made the sign of the cross as I poured the bottle into a glass.
Light yellow, head is fizzy and light and dissipates in seconds. As I stare into the yellowness I hear voices in my head, like shrieks of pain from ghosts telling me to turn back, turn back..
The smell makes me nauseous, it is an overly sweet skunky raunchy stench that overpowers all the hot sweat in the room and fills it with the scent of death, the bar now smells like an ancient crypt for skunks.
I lift the beer to my mouth and begin drinking, tears quickly form in my eyes. What is this? Why does this taste the way it does? Where is the goodness in life? The piss flavored grime contaminates my stomach with its cruel flavors. The liquid evil that I drink not only rapes my throat but my innocence, my faith in the world. This carbonated death was meant only to destroy, to defeat ones soul entirely.
The mouthfeel is light and overly carbonated. Awful, just awful.
I find myself alone. No where is there a trace of my captors or anyone else. I am a null in the void. I feel completely alone in the universe. There is no light in the darkness....
Serving type: bottle
11-26-2012 04:38:49 | More by ptykozoon
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Dos Equis Special Lager from Cervecería Cuauhtémoc Moctezuma, S.A. de C.V.
64 out of 100 based on 1,950 ratings.