Heineken Lager Beer - Heineken Nederland B.V.

Not Rated.
Heineken Lager BeerHeineken Lager Beer

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BA SCORE
65
poor

1,282 Reviews
THE BROS
68
poor

(Read More)
Reviews: 1,282
Hads: 4,355
rAvg: 2.78
pDev: 23.02%
Wants: 24
Gots: 879 | FT: 0
Brewed by:
Heineken Nederland B.V. visit their website
Netherlands

Style | ABV
Euro Pale Lager |  5.00% ABV

Availability: Year-round

Notes & Commercial Description:
Beer added by: OldFrothingSlosh on 01-29-2001

No notes at this time.
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Beer: Reviews & Ratings
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Reviews: 1,282 | Hads: 4,355
Photo of JLaw55
1/5  rDev -64%
look: 1 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1 | overall: 1

This kind of tasted like seawater in a bottle. Not pleasant or enjoyable. Plus even more points lost for the green bottle. I don't care whether it is part of their look or not, brown bottle or nothing.

Will not seek out, purchase, or even drink again. (252 characters)

Photo of WhiteHillsStore
1/5  rDev -64%
look: 1 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1 | overall: 1

In my opinion this is the worst beer on the market today. Or I should say the American Heineken is the worst. Apparently if you get it in Europe it is way better but I have yet to see. It was near clear with a little fiz. The smell was skunky as was the taste with a bad lingering aftertaste. It's one of the most popular beers in America and I just don't understand why. (371 characters)

Photo of GaetanoBresci
1/5  rDev -64%
look: 1 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1 | overall: 1

Rotten eggs smell. Metalic taste, mouthfeel? watery appearance, hypercarbonated, worst hangover after fdrinking a couple of bottle, no no no no. This is the shame of all beer in the world. No No No No No ... I can continous to say No because this beer does not deserve a rating! (278 characters)

Photo of Rifugium
1.05/5  rDev -62.2%
look: 1 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1

First had: [God only knows]

Pours clear, pale, straw color with a thin, receding head. Not much in the aroma, stale and vaguely grainy. Bland taste, somewhat reminiscent of what is known as a beer, with light grains and barely noticeable hops. Very light and watery, and a bitter aftertaste. To be avoided. (307 characters)

Photo of Beergogglesoftheworld
1.13/5  rDev -59.4%
look: 1.25 | smell: 1.25 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1

Dreadful, dreadful product in all guises; tap, bottle, can, whatever. May have been good in the past but now suffers from mass produced chemical headache inducing awfulness with no redeeming features. Pale, gassy, industrial foam head, unnatural aroma, unpleasant taste/aftertaste. Trying to think of something positive to say about it and the only thing I can think of is that it is probably okay for extinguishing fires; sorry, but it really is p*ss poor and not a good advert for Dutch beer. (494 characters)

Photo of 2ellas
1.14/5  rDev -59%
look: 1.5 | smell: 1.25 | taste: 1 | feel: 1 | overall: 1.25

Might be one of my all time least favorites. Doesn't lack flavor like most beers in this style but it has a flavor that's offensive to me for some reason. (154 characters)

Photo of chugalug06
1.15/5  rDev -58.6%
look: 1 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 2.5 | overall: 1

A - Flat, lame, and boring. Bodily waste comes to mind...

S - Smells like a skunk. Stinks

T - Very boring and plain. No flavor other than rot

M - Very nice carbonation, dry and waxy

D - Decent, but not good

I would NEVER have bought this brew, one of my buddies left if behind (and for good reason)

Cheers! (but, not to Heineken) (337 characters)

Photo of bondjedi
1.17/5  rDev -57.9%
look: 1 | smell: 1.5 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1

Somewhere, between my first pull from the bottle and the point in time when I had to go hero-time on the last putrid mouthful, I realized that if I ever had to contribute to a Dutch-Spanish dictionary, and my life depended on it, I could say that "Heineken" means "Corona," and I would escape with my life.

There are few bigger triumphs in marketing than Heineken's campaigns (Corona's is one of those few). (408 characters)

Photo of JayS2629
1.21/5  rDev -56.5%
look: 2 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 2.5 | overall: 1

A- Pale yellow with foamy head and light lacing.

S- Skunk overwhelming. I can smell the hops but the skunk smell is pugent and musty.

T- Sweet toasted grains at the front and then its taken over by skunk. Offensive, musty, metallic and bitter.

M- Light and crisp.

D- Undrinkable drain pour. Thin, watery and skunky. Don't waste money on this. Only drink if you are already drunk and its offered free. Even then be prepared and approach with caution. (454 characters)

Photo of Paisan
1.21/5  rDev -56.5%
look: 2 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1.5

Oh, this just makes me go biblical. Let this cup pass from me. Please!
Why, oh why is everyone on this planet drinking this smelly, foultasting chemical concoction?
It's been said here numerous times, but this is something that needs confirmation, over and over: this beer is skunked and it is awful. Taste and smell (odor), if this doesn't throw you off, you need a nose and palate transplant. Nuff said. (405 characters)

Photo of noknife83
1.21/5  rDev -56.5%
look: 2 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1.5

Why??? why ???? why???? I remember being younger hearing a lot of hype from all over, from friends, family, media, that Heineken was the be all to be all of beers... When I first started drinking beer I thought maybe I was missing something, that this beer had something I couldn't appreciate. After years, and time after time of giving this beer the benefit of the doubt, I say NO I'm not missing anything. This beer is missing something.... As in good taste...

It tastes of metal, and nothing else. It smells just the same. But don't let me cast other European Beers in with this one... There are plenty of great European Lagers... In my opinion Heineken is not one of them...

Interestingly enough though, I do really enjoy Heineken Dark... (744 characters)

Photo of sbegraft
1.21/5  rDev -56.5%
look: 2 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1.5

What on Earth is this weak lager? Often touted as a high class beer (probably because suckers pay import prices), this little green bottle does nothing other than appear to be a brew and let off nothing distinctive.

I'd honestly take a Rolling Rock any day over this, at least there's no pretending on that end.

A bit of metal, a bit of bland yeastiness, and no alcoholic taste (I guess that's OK) and you don't even think you're drinking a real beer. This is not suggested. (476 characters)

Photo of DmanGTR
1.21/5  rDev -56.5%
look: 2 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1.5

So I had this at a family friend's wedding. Thank you for the free beer. I much preferred the Remy Martin VSOP but here we go with the Heineken...

It poured a beautiful piss yellow. Indeed, lovely urine with a brief head of white bubbles. Turned still very quickly and sat in the glass beckoning me to come closer. How can I resist?

I inched my nose closer and inhaled its essence. Some poor farmer must have reheated his cabbage and corn soup in a tarnished brass soup pot a few times, thought it unworthy to be on his table, and sent it to the brewery. Perhaps someone surgically removed the scent bladder from a certain rodent and squeezed its contents into the liquid along the way.

Oh very well, how can I refuse a beer when they offer it to me at their wedding. I feel like I've been more than courteous just to hold this glass of blasphemy in my hands. So I take a sip. Have you ever boiled corn husks, cabbage, and pennies together and thrown in some bitters and drank it? Well I haven't either but I'm pretty sure that's a clone of this beer. Excellent! At least it's not tasteless.

As it looks, it's pretty thin and watery. Or is that water I'm drinking? Well it might be diluted in my mouth because I'm constantly drinking water to chase the beer. With some seltzer water.

But the wedding was very nice though. (1,326 characters)

Photo of Satchboogie
1.22/5  rDev -56.1%
look: 3 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 2 | overall: 1

12oz bottle poured into a pint glass

A: Pours a light yellow/straw, clear, very effervescent, looks like gingerale. 1/2 finger white bubbly head that quickly dissipates. No lacing.

S: Sulphur, maybe a little hops, almost an ammonia aroma (urine, ok!), grains. Typical heineken smell that I've always associated with crappy beer and drunken idiots.

T: The foul, sulphur, skunky, awful taste is right there up front and fairly strong. Again I get a kind of urine flavored skunky finish. Pretty disgusting. Behind the offensive flavor is some golden malt with virtually no sweetness, and a very very tiny bit of hops. I don't know how people drink this.

M: High carbonation, thin body, maybe the slightest bit chewy. Almost drinks like a soda.

D: I don't know how people can get through the first couple bottles of this stuff, it seriously makes me want to regurgitate. My body isn't designed to drink cat-piss flavored carbonated alcohol water. I'm just a third of the way through the glass and I don't think I can stomach anymore. Drain pour here we go. (1,058 characters)

Photo of SteveO1231
1.23/5  rDev -55.8%
look: 2 | smell: 1.5 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1

Pres: 24oz. silver mini keg can. Pours a pale golden yellow, no head whatsoever. Lots of vigorous carbonation.

Smell: Faint malt aroma, has a musty spent grain smell, light hop notes.

Taste: A sad pilsner to me. Very bland, this beer really does not have much going on. The high carbonation numbs the palate at first, a faint musty stale grain middle and even lighter hop finish accompanied by a strange sour metallic tang.

I've never been a big Heini fan I thought I should give it another chance...I'm still not a fan. Perhaps I should let my palate mature by drinking a bunch of Busch Light in order to fully enjoy this brew.

Cheers! (649 characters)

Photo of BrewMaven
1.26/5  rDev -54.7%
look: 2.5 | smell: 1.5 | taste: 1 | feel: 1.5 | overall: 1

Had one after many years without. It's the same watery pale macro swill that it was when I didn't have any gray hair.

Pale yellow with a short lived coarse head that knew better than to stick around.

Smelled skunky right off the bat...Sorta like the beer cap laying in the sun on a handball court during summertime.

Bitter but bland personality that left a bad taste in my mouth and gave me a headache. Start to finish the taste experience was the same...BLAHHH!! Thin mouthfeel with decent carbonation.

Now I realize why I haven't had one of these for years. If I must have a Heiny, make it a dark. (613 characters)

Photo of mnstorm99
1.26/5  rDev -54.7%
look: 2 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 2 | overall: 1.5

Pours golden yellow with a thin white head, no lacing evident
No aroma except annoying skunky malt.
Flavors are the same as the aroma, but even more like a skunks a$$.
Decently carbonated but unimpressivly thin.
All the intangibles are there for this style, but the flavor and aroma are crap, this may be the worst beer I have ever had. (336 characters)

Photo of Loki
1.27/5  rDev -54.3%
look: 3 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 2.5 | overall: 1

Sampled in a 12oz GREEN bottle, and I apologize for the shouting, but is green the main problem here?

Poured a nice clear golden color with a decent head and this is where the trip took a nasty, nasty turn into beer drinker?s hell.

Then I smelled it. This beer was either skunked or the worst adjunct product out there short of Schlitz Malt Liquor, and I might take the malt liquor next time. Corn, corn, some rice, then some more corn and something else I couldn't place but shouldn't have been in my beer. The terrible smell should have been the warning sign that reads: "Not fit for human consumption." But the old adage is you don't waste a beer, its alcohol abuse. Well this was abuse alright, but of a completely different kind.

The taste, oh were to begin. Let's go back to the smell and say corn, corn, corn, and rice. But not the fresh corn you get at the farmers market and would be enjoyable, overcooked, stale corn. The kind they put on clearance at the grocery store then you accidentally over microwave trying to make a quick meal.

Do the Dutch hate us, or do they have a wicked sense of humor and like pranks. Do they sit over in Holland and laugh there asses off as they pump this crap into America and we make it the #1 selling import? I hope they just like playing pranks, but cause if they hate us that bad I am suddenly afraid, very afraid. (1,372 characters)

Photo of Stingray5
1.28/5  rDev -54%
look: 2 | smell: 1.5 | taste: 1 | feel: 2 | overall: 1

First Heiny I've had in about 2-3 years.Poured yellow with a short lived fizzy white head. Skunky aroma with cooked corn. Taste was even worse. Cooked veggies with nothing else to report. Just skunk. Worsens as it warms. The most amazing part of this is that I actually used to like this beer. Today it was plain awful. Unable to finish it. (340 characters)

Photo of Kestrel452
1.28/5  rDev -54%
look: 2 | smell: 1.5 | taste: 1 | feel: 2 | overall: 1

This beer is simply nauseating. It's skunky, smells gross, and tastes gross. I could barely drink it even while already hammered. Even if it was all they had at a party I wouldn't drink it.

If you want a good import beer, go for something like Red Stripe. No skunk, good flavor, and very refreshing.

Avoid this sickening beer! (329 characters)

Photo of KarlHungus
1.29/5  rDev -53.6%
look: 2.5 | smell: 1 | taste: 1.5 | feel: 1 | overall: 1

This beer pours a clear pale golden color. The head is half an inch in height, and recedes quickly into sparse lacing. The aroma is of skunk, but that is what they are going for. The taste is as skunky as the aroma with only a faint hint of malt. The mouthfeel is thin and watery. Overall, this is a horrible beer. I don't understand how someone can drink this, and I most certainly won't be again. (398 characters)

Photo of mickstepp
1.29/5  rDev -53.6%
look: 2.5 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 2 | overall: 1.5

I'm working from notes here since I had this at a friend's house a few days ago. I don't really feel that I need the notes though since this used to be a staple of mine before I discovered real beer. Typical yellow lager color with a thin and short lived head. Boy do I remember that smell which I used to think was exotic because it contrasted so sharply with the smell of American macros. Now I understand that it is the smell of a spoiled (aka skunked) beer. The taste is just as revolting as the smell. The only time I ever had an unspoiled Heineken was on tap in a bar in Brussels and my recollection is that without the "skunk" it tastes just like every other macro brewed lager..bland and without distinction. Don't buy into the marketing campaign and don't buy this lousy beer. (785 characters)

Photo of gopens44
1.32/5  rDev -52.5%
look: 1.75 | smell: 1 | taste: 1.5 | feel: 1.25 | overall: 1.25

All we need to know about this beer is that I once opened one up at a table while at a party with my wife, to which she responded, seriously mind you, that she thought someone nearby had gotten into a skunk. (207 characters)

Photo of LilBeerDoctor
1.34/5  rDev -51.8%
look: 1 | smell: 2 | taste: 1 | feel: 1 | overall: 1.5

Reviewed on 7/20/08. Bottle. Pours a straw yellow, piss colored, with a white head. Aroma is not bad - light fruits and wheat. Flavor is just gross. Skunky, watery, pissy, grassy, stale wheat tasting. Pretty bad stuff. Heineken Light is better.
3/1/1/1/2 (1.8/5) (262 characters)

Photo of dren
1.36/5  rDev -51.1%
look: 2 | smell: 1 | taste: 1.5 | feel: 2 | overall: 1

Oh how in the world can people drink this stuff? Maybe because it is the "cool" beer to drink along with Corona. I for one like a Corona on a hot day but a Heini...no way.

I first met Heineken when I was a freshman in college. We were playing caps and I was quite drunk. Low and behold there was a keg can in the bucket of ice and I lunged at it because it was the "cool" beer to drink. I drank it and wow...it was pure skunk in a can. I acted like I loved it though because everyone else there was jealous that I got to it first. I was not impressed.

After that, I had the beer a few more times here and there with the same taste. I had given up hope completely. The last time I had one was on my airplane trip to Ireland. The waitress ran out of Guiness so I was stuck with ... you guessed it ... skunk pee. I was forced to mix it 50/50 with my OJ because I just couldn't drink it. Actually this combo tasted somewhat better but far from good. If you are stuck with a can I would suggest this.

I always thought after I had more and more beers that I would come back and somehow like Heineken because everyone else seems to...but no luck. This has to be one of the worst beers I have ever had. I would much rather drink a skunked can of Keystone Light.

I would highly suggest drinking Rolling Rock over this beer. (1,326 characters)

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Heineken Lager Beer from Heineken Nederland B.V.
65 out of 100 based on 1,282 ratings.