Boycott Malternatives

by: BeerAdvocate on 04-24-2002
The following is a public service announcement from the BeerAdvocates (short and unfortunately sweet)…

Smirnoff Ice, Bacardi Silver, Skyy Blue and the like are now in full force. All of the money put into marketing these products is finally starting to pay off as “malternatives" have, without a doubt, dug deep trenches into beer’s territory. Yes, fellow advocates of beer, the enemy is here. They are here now, and could be here to stay, but only if we let them! Most liquor stores are packed with these malt-based, low alcohol (4% to 5% abv) cooler-beverages from hell. The encroachment is affecting the bars now, too–-and that spooks the bah-geezus out of us and is one of the reasons why we are sending the following out to everyone: If you appreciate beer, and want quality beer to stay, then please …


Every purchase of one of these products is money towards kicking a beer off the shelves. Our proof? All of the big liquor stores we have visited in the past month have cut their shelf space for craft beer up to half! The floor space is also being invaded, and not just any floor space, but most of the time it is the up-front floor space, the first-thing-you-look-at-when-you-walk-in kind of floor space. Oh yeah, the big boys are slapping down mad amounts of money and effort to push the craft brew market out and then load our fat asses up with sweet soda-like malt beverages. Why, you ask? Because most Americans drink dumb. We are stupid dum-dums when it comes to alcoholic beverages, a nation of the drinking impaired. They create it, tell us to buy and drink it, and we do. The funny thing is that most of us don’t mind dropping $20 for an entrée at a nice restaurant, however we are quick to dumb down when it comes to our selection of beverages. Chalk this up to our being easily sold and influenced, and our general regard of quality as being something that is–-must be-–popular. Hell yeah the big guys are going to take advantage of our dumb asses! That much we can assure you.

Whether it is a lemon-, tea-, fruit-, vodka-, malt-, or water-based concoction or just a plain old shitty malternative, you should really take a look at yourself and wonder what the hell you are doing next time you consider a purchase. Didn’t we learn our lesson from Bartles and James? Why support these big companies who shove these sub-premium, over-processed beverages down our throats? Whatever the answer, we shout “NO!" Certain brands have even gone so far as calling themselves a “beer" on the label, obviously hoping for some kind of crossover demo to suddenly appear. That is the last straw in our book. This is war.

So with that, we once again urge anyone who thinks they are an appreciator of beer to boycott malternatives. Even if you don’t like beer that much, wake up and do us beer drinkers a favor …

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