The Art of the Shower Beer

Beer Smack by | Mar 2017 | Issue #122
Illustration by Spencer Afonso

It’s been practiced by the enlightened for decades. Some consider it a Zen-like experience. To us, it’s a calming, therapeutic, and near sensual way to drink beer. You may have heard about people drinking beer in their showers and shrugged it off as some weird alcoholic thing. That’s just pure ignorance. Don’t knock it until you try it, right? Regardless of what you’ve heard or read in the past, there are only three things you need to know to master the art of the shower beer.

1. Cans.
For safety’s sake, your shower beer of choice must be in a proper container, therefore cans are the only option. They tend to be less slippery, rest on shower ledges better, and are much safer if dropped. Just make sure that you put it somewhere free from shower splash, because you don’t want soap or water to taint your beer.

2. Hot Shower. Ice Cold Beer.
This is a must. A tepid shower or a warm beer won’t work. It’s all about the extremes. The sensation of hot water on your back as an ice cold beer slides down your throat is unmatched.

3. Crushable.
The overall goal is to select a beer that you can knock back easily. We’re not sipping sours with pinkies out at the bar here. And we’re talking about a 5–10 minute shower, so grab a 12-ounce can or a 16-ounce tallboy accordingly.

In general, lagers are best as they’re typically crisp, clean, and dry with a hoppy bite that makes you want more. Plus they’re often moderate in alcohol; we’re trying to relax, not get drunk. Sure, a well-balanced hoppy ale will do in a pinch, but trust us on this lager thing.

There are gimmicks that attempt to cater to those who seek to practice the art of shower beer, but they aren’t needed. Just follow the advice above. And remember: It’s not just about drinking beer. It’s about how you experience drinking beer.

Respect Beer. 

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