30-Packs Are Whack

by: BeerAdvocate on 11-05-2003
30-packs of the "Beast," Bud Light, "Natty Ice," Busch and whatnot ... STOP! What the fuck are you doing?!

Yeah, we get that some of you are broke and you want to get your money's worth (a cheap drunk), and that the rest of you are simply drinking impaired (sheep to advertising and others, or don't know any better), but do you realize that for the same amount of money, or a little bit more, you could still get your cheer on, truly enjoy a flavorful beer, support the local beer scene and help to stop the perpetuation of the stereotypical male college student ... you know, the one where everyone thinks you're a drunken assclown? There's simply no need to dump this kind, and quantity, of sub-par "beer" down your throat. It's just not cool, bra ...

[b]The Facts About Your Cheap Beer[/b]

Most have alcohol by volumes of 5 percent or less, hence the cheap price and why you need to drink so many to achieve your desired level of stupidity.

The cheap price is also a marketing tactic, aimed at your current financial and social situation.

All of the goodness typically associated with beer has been filtered, stripped clean to almost water.

They are typically made with cheap adjuncts, like rice and corn.

They can also contain a slew of other chemical additives and junk ingredients that breweries are not required to divulge to the public. Headaches? Sickness? The runs? Coincidence?

[b]Drink Better[/b]

Keeping in mind that you are young, influenced by others and want to have a good time ... let us help you have a better time, with better beer, and hopefully infect the other sheep with your new taste for beer.

First, you're going to need to quit, cold turkey. Back away from the mega-packs of crap beer, turn around, and walk away from them forever. They are not your friends, and you owe them nothing.

It's hard for many Americans to grasp this, but remember it's all about [i]quality[/i], not quantity or price.

If you still want to get your buzz on, pick yourself up a 4- or 6-pack of Barley Wine, strong Belgian ale, Imperial Stout or other strong craft brew. There's plenty of them out there, and at alcohol by volumes of around 7 to 12 percent you will feel them, but without going overboard. Price will be about the same, but with 10 times the amount of flavor and enjoyment.

Want more than a 4- or 6-pack for your drinking session? Buy 12-packs of craft brew. In Boston, you'll find imports and locals like: Harpoon, Ipswich, Magic Hat, Sam Adams, etc ... cost will be around the same as a 30-pack of crap, and again, you'll have a better overall experience. If you need more than a 12-pack to enjoy yourself, seek help.

Anyway, you get the point: [i]quality[/i]. Spending a few more bucks won't kill you and once you switch to better beer, you'll be hooked for life. You'll also witness the infectious powers of beer advocacy with your friends; they'll want to try (mooch) your better beer. You'll be "the beer guy," people will ask you for your opinion; instant "coolness" ... and you'll feel better when you wake up each morning.

Support the local beer scene and responsible drinking.

Respect beer.
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