"How to talk like a beer snob"

I think it depends on the beer, too. Peekskill recently put out an IPA with no early hop additions, only late boil, hop stand, and dry hop additions. I bet anyone would be able to taste that fresh, and with a month on it, and not even realize they are drinking the same beer.

OTOH a beer that is driven by early/bitter hop additions will barely suffer after a couple months. Some folks enjoy the bitterness most of all in IPA, and care little if they get less aroma and delicate flavor along with the bitter. I suspect it is these folks who are most prone to poke fun at "freshness police" like me.

 

Good article. They missed one, though.

"Two weeks old already? I prefer fresh beer."

 

I didn't make it through the entire write up. Seems useless to take the time to write that long of a piece to attempt to poke fun at how people enjoy beer. I am not a fan of people that act as if they are better than others drinking BMC, nor trying to brazenly coach people on how to drink. However, I see no wrong in fully experiencing & properly describing beers.

 

Time to nose dive into this pint but first let me take a selfie!

 

If you're one of the following, then you're a beer snob:


Types of Beer Snobs

Deciding you want to be a beer snob is not enough. You also have to decide what sort of beer snob you want to be.

The Beer Fuehrer
This curmudgeonly gentlemen will declare he would rather guzzle urine than drink what he considers “bad beer.” And by bad he means any beer that comes in a can, has commercials on television, or has been heard of by more than fifty people. He can only pity the poor fools who sit in bars drinking the swill disgorged by the vast corporate vats, when they could be drinking swill produced in much smaller ones.

The Hops Head
The power-crazed Dr. Frankenstein of beer snobs, this wretched soul has descended so deeply into the pit of snobbery he has convinced himself that the vile liquid (he will call it something akin to Super Duper Black Cherry Berry Power Porter) he concocted in his basement is not only non-poisonious, but superior to the stuff it took monks 50 generations to perfect. One caveat: the longer and more grandiose the title of his obscene creation, the more likely it will be good for poisoning the rats in your cellar.

The Beer Geek
The beer world equivalent of a Trekkie, this fan is forever making pilgrimages to far flung festivals and conventions, will belong to any number of beer associations (and wears the T-shirts to prove it) and has never had sex with a woman where there wasn’t money involved. Beards are common and they have a powerful fetish for steins.

The Beer Lover
These are the Rex Reeds of the beer snob community. They have never met a beer that was not “gorgeously fabulous” or “fabulously gorgeous.” The closest they ever come to a bad review is when they mistake the glass of water used to clear the palate for beer, and even then they’ll give it three stars and declare it “a promising new light lager worth keeping your eye on.”

c/o: http://drunkard.com/issues/01-05/0105-beer-snobbery.htm

 

I'm still trying to figure out why everyone thinks the UK sells warm beer. I've never had a warm beer in England or Ireland. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

 

I think it's because cask beer typically comes out warmer than beer from a refrigerated keg. "Warm" is used because it's a good bit warmer than what your typical American would be used to. It's not necessarily warm in the grand scheme of things though.

 

-Yeah, I had a roommate once that couldn't understand that either. To him "warm" meant somewhat hot instead of "closer to room temperature" or "Not cold".

 

do you have a badge?

 

"Barnyard rusticity" in place of "horse blanket" is dignified and politically correct as well.

 

Yup, I keep it in my wallet next to my poetic license

 

Only in terms of some sort of admiration that they can pump out that much beer that is consistent, even though it is full of adjuncts and chemically engineered.

 

Okay, I'll bite

I just think it's silly to fault a brewery for the kinds of market domination every other brewery would do if they were publicly traded and large enough to have the pull to have distributors and retailers do what they want. I mean, why not fault the retailers and distributors also? They knuckle under, don't they? Never hear anyone say, "Boycott Hannaford or Ralph's." Why? Because ABA doesn't propagandize that end of things, no, they paint BMC as the big bad wolf, and so many people fall for it.

Every brewery out there is in the business of having consumers buy their beers instead of the others. They all use the tools at their disposal.

And I have bad news about adjuncts. Hope you're sitting down. Most of your favorite breweries use them **shudder shudder**. And when the beers are done, the adjuncts, like all fermentables, are no longer in the beer.

Chemically engineered? If you mean that there is a chemical reaction when yeasts eat sugars, well, more bad news, they are all "chemically engineered".

And before you pooh pooh consistency, try making a beer with yeast from multiple different libraries, and water from all over the country, in fermenters that aren't all the same dimensions, and see if you come anywhere near the same beer in all batches, let alone the exact same tasting beer in all batches.

I don't drink their products because I don't like the taste of almost all of them. This should be the factor for folks IMO, not some politics gotten from a propaganda campaign.

 

I knew I would make it!

 

Not a hipster either friend. I'm just making a point that the article is tasteless and the humor is something any jackass could put together. Now if you want something that insults beer snobs that's actually funny:



Everyone on beer advocate who hasn't seen Triumph at the GABF, enjoy and see how it's done.

 

This article is funny, but I can't resist responding to it as such:

I posted an article making fun of beer snobs and implying they are hypocrites

I personally prefer lower ABV, less hoppy beers, and as I am feeling insecure about it, I will go out of my way to impune the motives of anybody who does enjoy trendy beers. That way, other people who also prefer lower ABV, less hoppy beers will crowd around and validate my opinion.

 

Some of these "beer snob responses" are killing me...they are actually funnier than the article. So many serious beer drinkers...

"I am so deeply offended by this disrespectful article. The writer is obviously a child in a man's world and has not a clue of what he speaks. Craft beer and all that it stands for needs a champion, someone or something that will properly display the respect that it so graciously deserves. This is a tragedy of Shakespearean proportion...I think I might retire early this evening, rest my snifter, for my heart is heavy with sorrow...damn the pen of this writer and all who find him humorous".

 

Not bad and quite true without the comments after the statement.

The statements make it more of a statement for a book called "How to talk like a beer Douche"

 

Geez I was just trying to have a little fun and I get a 50 minute lecture and a $50 fine. I hope you like the Honeymooners.

 

Well sure, I even said not to take anything too seriously. But this is about respect; your wife might make fun of you for having nerdy enjoyments, but she still respects them, and you. The author's point of view isn't clear, but it could be interpreted as someone who has no respect for beer, and probably tries to tear down anything that is beyond their intellectual capabilities of understanding. But then again, it might be someone making fun of how we take ourselves too seriously sometimes. Ambiguous!