"How to talk like a beer snob"

I can see where you might interpret it that way. Who knows what the authors intentions were. For me, it came off as just some good ribbing. Regardless, don't let some internet random, the author of the article or the author of this post, make you feel like a moron for liking saisons or having a sweet tulip glass collection -- own it and love it!

 

“I’m really into sour beers right now.”
I read a trend article saying that sour beers are growing in popularity, so I am currently trying to adjust my palate so I can start liking them.

This.

 

Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.

 

Let's just hit the points one by one:

1) Big beers have more alcohol. Yes. But any self-respecting craft beer enthusiast isn't drinking them just because they have double the alcohol. If that's all they wanted they could find some terrible malt liquors with 9% alcohol to chug down and get wasted. Big beers generally have a lot more going on. I am one of those that is "into big beers," and I have on occasion called a beer a "big beer" because it has a "bigger body" than some other beer I've had. More calories. More intense flavor. The list goes on. I drink so-called big beers because I prefer the body and the taste, not because they have a lot of alcohol.

2) Really. Anyone who refers to a beer being sessionable is an alcoholic? I don't even "session beers" ever, but many people do, and I would imagine that those that aren't big college-aged partiers aren't drinking twelve-packs as soon as they get up in the mid-morning.

3) I have never heard anyone say anything about tannins in beer. Once.

4) And now the writer falls on simply attacking a group of beer-drinkers for simply stating an opinion. Just because it might be an obscure opinion doesn't make it okay to start belittling people.

5) Quaffable can be a bit silly. It's not even a word. I've never heard anyone actually utter such a phrase, though I have seen it in print occasionally. Never have I heard or seen the combination of "infinitely quaffable" though.

6) Okay, sure, if anyone in seriousness uses the word bouquet to describe a beer, well, that's pretty bad. Good call, here.

7) Eh, this IBU comment is somewhat relevant to the times. But once again the author is trying to make the case that having preferences in beer isn't okay and is snobbery. But if you asked him what his favorite soda was and why I'm sure he would a) have a preference, and b) be able to describe a few reasons why. It's shallow and hypocritical.

8) The non-standard glass question I'm sure does get asked on occasion. Yes, if you ask for a glass and when they give you a pint, you ask them for a non-pint glass, then you are almost certainly a beer snob. On point.

9) The beer head one... just shows how little the author knows about beer. Not all beer pours the same. Some perfect pours are meant to have a huge head.

10) If someone's asking for "anything" imported without asking for anything more specific, then they are just a douche, not a snob. A snob comment would be something more like, "Oh, you don't have any Westvleteren 12? Hmm... well, I guess I'll have to settle for Heady Topper, then."

11) I have no comment on the GABF one.

12) Also no comment on the Nitro one. No experience with either of these things.

13) Nobody has ever asked the "double or triple hopped" question. That's not even... that's not how... ugh.

14) Okay, okay, that last one is fairly accurate for a lot of people. I don't know that I've ever said it, and it's not my homepage, but this is maybe the most accurate and least offensive part of the "guide."

Seriously, the article gets little right about people who like craft beer OR comments that beer snobs might make. It's useless as a "guide" for people trying to talk to beer geeks, and it's not funny. :-/

 

You DO realize that this wasn't an actual "guide", right? It was just a humerous piece, a bit of satire if you will. If his humor was lost on you, well, perhaps you took the humor too closely to heart and feel offended?

 

Yes, I realize it was meant to be satire. No, I wasn't offended. Still doesn't make it funny. The author is poking fun at stuff that doesn't even happen. The article sets up a premise and then misses its mark the entire time. It's just poorly written.

 

I can only guess that you have never heard of a little thing called "irony"?

*the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.....a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result.....a literary technique, originally used in Greek tragedy, by which the full significance of a character's words or actions are clear to the audience or reader although unknown to the character.*

The words are very clear to me "the audience"...and "significantly" humorous also...by definition you must be the "character".

 

anything is warm compared to a frost brewed coors light kept at 30 something degrees and poured into a frosted mug.

 

Well considering I've never said any of the things in the article, then by the definition put forth by the article itself, uh, no. I guess you do find it funny. I'm sorry for you, but that I don't find it funny doesn't mean I'm the snob. It is poorly written and is not one time clever or witty.

I was just going to come and post that I guess I'm not a beer snob, but then I saw a bunch of people actually claiming that the article was so on point and hilarious and another poster getting hammered for saying the article was dumb. Just here to level the field.

 

You can't strong arm me into thinking this is humerus. BradenMK's critique was extremely thoughtful, well written, and even gave (a very tiny amount of) credit where credit was due. It makes me wonder if it's possible to say something's not funny without being accused of not getting it and being the butt of the joke.

 

People are taking this waaaaay too seriously.

 

I once asked this and was given a "yeah.. why wouldn't it be?" from the clerk. I was like "umm.. because.. <_<"

 

I'm going to have a pedantic moment now:

The adjective "quaffable" and "quaff" both as a verb and a noun have been English words since at least the early 16th century.

"Bouquet" is effectively a synonym of "aroma"; what makes it the worse of the two terms? Too flowery?

Thank you for your patience. Cheers!

(I'm not a beer snob. I'm a snob.)

 

what you said

 

Strong arm you?...lol...you are wound up tighter than BradenMK. I'm just giving you my opinion just like you and him.

Sorry but it is funny, spot on, stereotyping humor, dripping with irony and satire. BradenMK's attempt to explain away what he (and you) obviously don't understand was dry, stale and self deprecating.

I have no problem with you not thinking it is funny and by all means would hate to "twist" your arm into understanding the finer points of humor. As far as I'm concerned the entire article was in jest and only a true snob would perceive otherwise? The relevance to being the butt of the joke only works if you actually accept the title.

 

Anyone care to explain the urge to use "XXXXX is drinking really well right now" when referring to aging beer?

How about, "I opened one last week, and it was (or tasted) really good." A beer can't be drinking.

 

I guess this kinda works
You're a beer snob if when you hear people they like ales more than lagers or vice versa you want to give a break down of all the styles within each group so they understand that why they said is dumb.

 

Either that or I was making a joke and you didn't get it. Careful now, don't tell me I'm not funny because that would be proof that you can't spell and are very resentful of people like me who can.

 

touché