Staples Mill, Stillwater Mn info

While I'm sure the people behind Stillwater Brewing/Staples Mill lost money on this venture, Im not sure it was much. Judging from photos Ive seen, they basically had a small fermentor. They did have kegs and bottles, so I suppose there was some expense in that equipment.

 

Seriously, the beer produced by Staples Mill was unbelievably bad. Just rotten. The whole thing was weird from the very begining. I mean, where did they even get the wort they fermented from? And what the fuck is a stout of the morning destruction? Really, really wierd.

 

I talked to the guys who ran the place (brewers?) at the tap room not long after it opened up. Believe it or not, the beer in the tap room wasn't bad...nothing like the swamp-gas swill they jammed into bottles.

Anyways, they told me that they couldn't get a brewing permit because Stillwater was concerned about the odors, especially during the summer tourist season. When I asked about the brewery they were very vague, something like "Gee, if we can get the permit, we can brew on-site. Right now we're buying the wort from a guy in Wisconsin." When I tried to ask a little more, the guy I was talking to changed the subject. They also had some odd, re-usable plastic kegs they were going to put their beer in...seemed like a cool idea, but haven't seen anything like it before or since. I'm sure it's out on the Interwebs somewhere, but I don't care enough to go look.

I always imagined them buying wort from a guy in a black duster out of the back of an old Camaro.

 

They are called Key Kegs I believe. When I was there they were pushing these as the most sustainable and green option for kegging. Basically its a plastic ball with an inner bag. Air is forced around the bag to push the beer out so no air actually touches the beer. When done you just recycle the ball and the cardboard box they come in. Sounds like a good idea but how is that greener than a steel keg that can be used over and over and over and .....The whole situation was weird there. Oh and the beers they had on tap?...Aweful. I think they had a Brown ale and a Pale all of which paled in comparison to fresh St. Croix River Water.

 

Perhaps even: "Yugo"?

Thanks to this thread I guess I can scratch Staples Mill off my list of: "things to do in Stillwater", so some good (and some good laughs) has come from the OP!

ISO: Smalley's Wings -- or is that the culinary equivalent of a DONG?

 

Keg keys. That was it. And you're absolutely right about it being questionably 'green', but they sure did look cool.

And with somebody else making their wort I have no doubt that the consistency of their tap room beer was...questionable at best. But it was fine when i was there.

 

That sounds slightly more appealing than their grain-laced paint thinner (I think they called it Frat boy pilsner).

I feel like it's too early to publicly trash some of the newest breweries, but will say that I recently had several Staples Mill-caliber beers from a new brewer in the region. Spectacularly bad beers are still out there to be had.

 

Really, I mean Staples Mill was just all kinds of bad. Now, Leech Lake has its issues, but their beer is ambrosia compared to Staples Mills. Aside from them I can't think of another newish local brewery with such obviously off product.

 

Big Wood. But not Staple Mills bad.

 

Isn't he the guy who thinks that the louder he yells the 'joke' into the mic the funnier it is?

 

The off taste of their beers was even more odd when from what I understand their head brewer was a certified sommelier.

 

Dane Cook should never be mentioned in the same sentence with Mitch Hedberg.

 

What if we're making a a scale of comedic ability? Statement: Dane Cook(0) to Mitch(10) I would say Patton Oswalt is a 4.

 

Ok, fair enough.

 

Where would we put Jim gaffigan? 7ish? Patton Oswald's voice kind of has a whiny tone that hurts my head

 

I was not aware that they were not actually brewing on site. If I remember correctly they said that they were in fact brewing there. I thought it was odd that they would not give me a tour of their brewhouse....haha.

 

Kevin perhaps you should unvail your Beta Queen(Alpha King clone) and have a tour of your brewery(garage).
Bet it gets more love than Staples Mill!

 

I gotta figure out how to get it into a key keg first....

 

Here's an "outside of B.A." report on them closing. Maybe another outfit can open a new taproom in that space?