Best quotes from reviews

Was that meant to be complimentary? I can't tell...

 

This has now convinced me to never leave a serious review of a beer. They must all be silly bullshit!

 

Not always. Only time I make a humorous review is after I'm drunk and the beer sucks. The worse the beer, the funnier the review.

 

Can't even pick my favorite quote from this review...you just gotta read the whole thing.

Dark Lord review by @mynie. Scroll down the page a little more than half way and enjoy the awesomeness.

http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/26/7520/?view=beer&sort=&start=1075

 

I'm going to give massive credit to @PatronWizard for some of these lines. Among them are:

It's a knock-you-on-your-assterpiece. (AleSmith Speedway Stout - Bourbon Barrel Aged)

Let's just say you're having a shitty day. Then you drink one of these. Shitty day all gone bye-bye. (Southern Tier Choklat)

I understand experimenting with the yeast, but when you do it with a 5% beer, it just seems like a waste of time to me. Then again, I'm a man. (Lost Abbey Cuvee de Tommie)

And much of this review http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/396/31484/?ba=PatronWizard

 

Totally EPIC! The Blankman reference was great.

 

Going to supply the direct link because it contains the second Steelers reference in this thread...aaaaaaaand....it's hilarious:

http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/26/7520/?ba=mynie

 

When I reviewed Stone ssr, I said in my review, "this is amazing, please don't ever stop making this Stone" few months later and it's being discontinued lol

 

Yeah, I was kidding. I have yet to even review a single beer on BA. But when I do...

 

"Two clowns fucking"

Can't remember where I read it, though.

 

Not from this site, but my favorite nonetheless.
"So, if you like beer, and raspberries, and getting your wife totally shitfaced, and I mean, like, no disagreement when you suggest anal...this is the beer for you."

 

"Resin is large and in charge, like a towering pine tree with sweet sap oozing down the sides." This was one of my wrap up statements from my review of Sixpoint Resin on Tenemu.com

 

One of the best threads ever.

 

Another worthy review of Bud Clamato that I think is worthy:

1/5 rDev -50.5%
look: 1 | smell: 1 | taste: 1 | feel: 1 | overall: 1

Pours a kind of vomit color you see when people throw up from drinking too much, but not on an empty stomach, you know, with bits of food coloring mixed with fizzy yellow beer hodgepodge of stuff. Totally offputting. Head instantly disappeared within 3 seconds of the pour. Aroma, even worse than the appearance, smelled worse than budweiser, and somehow worse than tomato juice. I hate tomato juice. Somehow they made it even worse here.

Jeez, the taste is even worse than the smell. Has all the pepper of a super hot bloody mary, a bunch of bitter lemon, and the usual beechwood aged stuff, while palatable, is far from it here. Just a mouthful of salt, lemon, tomato juice and budweiser. I think the only way you could make this any worse would be to add body parts or pickles to it. This beer is 100 times worse than budweiser, if you can even call it a beer. Take a blender, put some oysters, tomatoes, shitty beer and tap water from a sucky area with tons of chlorine, and I think you can make this concoction.

This beer is a hate crime. Its the worst beer I've ever had. I always see empties next to or around dirty diapers in public parks for whatever reason.

★1,171 characters

Beerandraiderfan, Aug 15, 2012 Report
Like

 

Forget which beer this was for, but it doesn't even matter:

"Great, great dark reddish appearance like a Moroccan sunset. Nose is wonderful; like an orca clearing it's blowhole of pure, yet light hop juices. Taste is a bit different; not harsh like listening to a Katy Perry record, but deceiving like Katy Perry with makeup on. It's a bit "sharper" than most IPA's, but still smooth.

Yeah, like Katy Perry, it's a bit confusing. I mean, it's ok and I would order another, but, would I?

Bless your hearts, my children."

 

I read one recently where the guy noted in the taste that the beer was terrible.
then in the conclusion he said it was pretty good.

...


...

 

thanks for the beer through the nostrils on that one.

 

for Busch Beer:

"When you plop a 30 pack of this nectar of the Gods down on the counter and your local swill proprietor says $15, what exactly are you expecting? Get off your high horses with all these 1's and 2's.
A-looks like a beer
S-smells like a beer
T-wouldn't you know it tastes like a beer
M-feels like a beer in there"


and:


"This is incredibly Cheap beer. Bought a 6 pack just because i wanted beer. Wasn't really expecting much... Honestly this is a flavorful Cheap beer. Sometimes i come home after a long days work. I don't spend a ridiculous amount on Booze of any sort, I just want the flavor of beer sometimes. I drank this... Bought this drank it ice cold, it certainly makes A nice refreshing beer. for 15 bucks for a 30 pack or 6 for a 12 pack, you can't go wrong. Craft brew drinkers should probably stay away because they like better taste and more hops. But for a guy who just drinks a beer for refreshment, this will do the trick better than bud light, mainly because bud light is more expensive and doesnt have any flavor. Honestly this is better than budweiser. Can't go wrong with it. i buy one every night after work. put in the freezer for a bit. Then I drink it... So this is good."

 

Best line ever... "I found him there, and I hit him over the head with a pipe to steal his bottle of Dark Lord. Seriously, a kid isn't gonna like this."

I laughed for 2 minutes straight, eventually gasping for breath. My sides now ache. Thank you, @mynie

 

Thank you for causing me to waste a whole nite on this site