Thickest beer?

Sam Adams Triple Bock?

 

I know a lot of this is exaggeration. I used it in my post, too. I put this list together mostly for everyone's entertainment, but if there actually is a beer that pours like a smoothie, or driveway sealant, I want that person to have a chance to say "yes, I really did watch the entire LotR trilogy while I waited for my beer to pour." And I want to know about and find and drink that beer.

 

Hoppin' Frog D.O.R.I.S.

 

Black Hole Sun - Black Market Brewing Co.

 

Pretty much this in a nutshell for me.

 

PBR mixed with flour. Real thick

 

You're all wrong. Only sickly beers are actually thick. Thanks, pediococcus!

 

I'd go with The Muddy, Ten Fidy, and Founders Imperial Stout.

 

Although I've heard that used before, l poured one last week thinking' "This looks like it's coming out reeeeally sloooowly, like actual motor oil..."

 

Exopolysaccharides aren't in Ten Fidy...

 

I have to say that, in all honesty, Old Engine Oil Engineer's Reserve did remind me of burnt crankcase oil when I poured it. I am definitely one to engage in (and even abuse) hyperbole, but this isn't one of those times.

And you should definitely find it and drink it.

 

Post of the year candidate? It's been awhile since I lol'd at a post on BA...

 

Thank you for the nomination, but I am just the collector of the material. All credit to OP's. My personal favorite is 'drank like driveway sealant'... apparently my subconscious thought so too because I included it twice.

 

Yeti and Espresso Oak-Aged Yeti are my answers ... the chocolate version must be pudding

 

No, I suppose Founders Imperial Stout isn't quite literally as thick as chocolate syrup. It is thicker than any other I've had, though. It feels as thick as a milkshake while drinking it. Troegs Java Head had that feeling, too. And there was brown sludge at the bottom of the glass when I finished it. I've never seen that from any other beer before. (Though I'm going to be picking up my first pack of Ten Fidy here soon, so we'll see about that)

 

Dark Lord, Berserker, Bar Fly

 

Ten Fidy is great fresh, and even better with a bit of age on it. I'm generally not one to cellar beers, but I bought a case of the current production when it came out.

 

I thought Pugachev's Cobra was pretty viscous.

 

King Henry comes to mind. Glass is stained after consumption!

 

I am surprised that Great Divide Yeti has not been mentioned yet. In my recollection that is a pretty THICK beer. But also delicious. I just changed the oil in my car, it had nearly 10,000 miles on that oil. As it was draining into the pan I was thinking "hmm, that looks a lot like Yeti, but not quite as dark". Yeti smells better though.