Beer Jokes. This should be good...

A neutron walks into a bar.

"I'd like a beer," he says. The obliges and brina him a pint.

"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

 

Surprised I haven't seen this one yet...
A mushroom walks into a bar-bartender says "We don't serve your type in here!"
The mushroom replies "Why not? I'm a fun guy!!"

 

"An Irish guy walks out of a bar."

 

I found a couple:

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk.

Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts

 

An anagram walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the clean fog?"

 

Aah, a horse anagram for shore

 

Hey! That was the title of my BA Magazine article this month!

 

Humour is the yeast of your problems I see.

In western Michigan it's the Dutch that get painted with this brush. The best one I heard while there was "how was copper wire invented? Two Dutch men found a penny on the sidewalk."

Only bar / beer related joke I can recall

A string wished to enter a bar, but sees a sign that states "No strings allowed". Frustrated but thirsty, the string decides to tie off the top portion of his body and peels himself into several smaller strings, enters bar.

Upon entering, the bartender immediately calls him out "Hey, NO STRINGS ALLOWED! And you are surely a string, right?"

"No. I'm afraid not."

 

Did you hear about the bug spray exec who started his own brewery? His beer was recalled for Off flavors....

 

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there is a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey, We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time. So I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion. "don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied and the bassists are loaded."

[Couldn't remember the details of this one off the top of my head but I was able to find a version I liked here. I'm usually up for a good pun joke if it doesn't take 5 minutes to set up. This one reminds me of Colin Mochrie's intros when they did the news game on Whose Line...?]

 

No Norm Peterson one-liners yet?

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

 

Descartes went into a bar and ordered a barrel-aged imperial stout.
The bartender asked, "Would you like that in a frosted mug?"
Descartes replied, "I think not."
And he disappeared!

 

Never sit in a cold draft.
You'll get beer stains on your blue jeans.

 

Grasshopper walks into a bar,
Bartender says "you know we have a drink named after you".
Grasshopper says " you have a drink named Irving?"

 

A blonde, A Rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar,
Bartender says " What is this some sort of joke?"

 

Hipster walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder
Bartender says "where did you get that?"
Monkey says " Brooklyn, they are all over the place"

 

Damn it, I was just about to do that one. There are about two hundred different versions of that and they're all classics.

 

Old Zeke the Pirate (it's my joke, I'll put myself in it if I want to) walks into the waterfront bar.
The bartender glances up and does a double-take and says "Old Zeke, I haven't seen you in a while, What happened?
Last time I saw you, you didn't have the peg leg, the hook or the eye patch".
Old Zeke replies "aye, it's been a tough couple of months, lost my leg to a cannonball in battle"
"Oh my" says the bartender "and your hand?"
"Arrgh, that was from a swordfight"
"Oh dear, and what about your eye?"
"A seagull crapped in it".
"Really? I wouldn't think that would cost you your eye"
"well, it was my first day with the hook..."

Not really a beer joke as much as a pirate joke, but it takes place in a bar