So this customer walks into a bar...

...but the guy behind him ducked.

 

Makes me think of the golfer who duck-hooks a tee shot left of Genghis Khan for the fifth straight hole, turns to me and asks why he keeps slicing it.

 

My preferred punchline to that intro is simply, "...Ouch!"

 

So this guy* walks into a bar to meet some friends one afternoon. When the waitress comes to the table to take his drink order, he asks to see the tap list. She replies, "We don't have one."
"Well, what do you have on tap?"
"Let's see: Bud Light, Miller Lite..."
"Do you have Sam Adams or anything like that?"
"No, we don't."
"What bottled beers do you have?"
"Bud, Miller, Coors..."
"How about Scotch? Do you have any Johnnie Walker?"
"No. All we have is... (checks behind bar),,, Lauder's."
"No. I'll just have a Diet Mountain Dew."
"I'm sorry. We don't have that."
The guy says, "Okay, then. I'll just have a glass of ice water."
And the guy drank ice water until one of his friends bought a round of tequila shots.

*Me. True story.

 

There was a Scots man called Andy,
who went into a pub for a shandy.
When he lift up kilt to see what he spilt,
the bar lady said "Andy, that's handy"

 

????????

I must have missed something


Enjoy

 

So this customer walks into a bar... and the bartender says "Why the long face?".

That customer was a horse.

True story, perhaps, in the old west.

 

A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

 

A customer walks into a bar. A few hours later he staggers out of the bar and bumps into two priests. " Do you know (hiccup) who I am?" he slurs to the 1st priest, "I'm Jesus Christ!" The 1st priest answers "no my son, you are not him". "Do you know who (hiccup) who I am?" he asks defiantly to the 2nd priest, "I am Jesus (hiccup) Christ!!" The 2nd priest answers "I'm sorry my son but you are not him" The customer then leads the two priests by the arm back into the bar saying " I will (hiccup) prove to you I'm Jesus (hiccup) Christ!!" He staggers back in with the two priests and the bartender exclaims "Jesus Christ you're back!!"

 

Al Pacino's bar joke: A skeleton walks into a bar, and orders a beer, and a mop.

 

Gross I'd rather drink crab juice... or Bud, Miller, or Coors.

 

This isn't even a joke: I was at a brewpub once (Nickel's Pit BBQ in Watkins Glen NY, serving Rooster Fish beers) and the guy next to me at the bar was telling the bartender to tell the brewer that he should get some domestic beers like Coors Light and Miller Lite on tap to increase sales. I wanted to slap some sense into him.

 

De gustibus non disputandum est.

 

Ad idem - but I'd still just have a bud or coors.

 

Someone told this joke on here way back and I loved it... gonna paraphrase:

Old man walks into a bar, orders three beers... all at one time. He does this over several visits and the bartender finally comments to him, you know bud, you can get the beers one at a time if you want. The old man goes, no, you don't understand: my brothers are away and we all used to drink together, so I just do this to kinda remind myself of it.

Until one visit, the old guy comes in, and says, I don't need three beers this time, just two. The bartender brings him his two beers and says "Just wanna say, I'm sorry for your loss". Old man says "what are you talking about? One of my brothers quit drinkin"

 

*yawn*

 

A loud American (I don't want offend BA members from Texas) walks into a bar in Ireland. He loudly bellows " I hear y'all good at drinking. I got $200 here if you can put down 10 pints of Guinness and 10 shots of Jameson in under 1 minute and still be able to walk a straight line!" The patrons of the bar got silent and after a few seconds went back to their conversations as if nothing had happened. However, one young man got up and left. A few minutes later he came back and took up the loud American's offer. He quickly and calmly downed the 10 Guinness and 10 Jameson's in 48 seconds. He then non chalantly walked from one end of the bar to the next without the slightest bit of stagger. As he collected his $200, the befuddled American asked " I just need to know, where did you disappear to?" The young man answered " I went to the pub across the street to test if it could be done"