Things beer store employees probably say about us

"Please don't ask about the beer we don't have. Please don't ask about the beer we don't have." You can just see it in their expressions on release days.

 

As a beer store employee, the only things that makes me roll my eyes is when I get 47 hundred million calls about something highly allocated when its been gone, or isn't scheduled to land, for 3 weeks. I understand the hunt for hard-to-get bottles, but there's normally about a 3 day window MAX when something allocated lands and its accessible, being we've gotten enough to take care of others outside a select few. But the calls come in for over a month.

The other is when people come in looking for allocated that have clearly been sent on a mission by someone else and don't know anything about it. To date my favorite has been after hardywood released their BB GBS, a woman was very adamant about getting a bottle of the blueberry gingerbread beer.

Ok done with my little rant. Cheers everyone

 

I hate the PA beer laws. I'm from Ohio, but right on the PA border, and I stopped in a beer store that was said to have a great selection. And they did, but that's when I discovered you had to buy AN ENTIRE CASE and no less that a case.

WTF, PA?

 

Things thought but never said:

Thanks for ruining my perfectly lined walls of bottles, then not buy anything, jerk.
Thanks for breaking the expensive stuff and not offer to pay for it, or offer to help clean it up, jerk.
Sorry, we're all out of Blue Moon. But if you wanna man up I'll show you some better white beers. Cheap ass.


Other things thought, but not said:

Hmmm...he really know his beer. I wonder what I can learn? I hope he comes back again.
Hmmm. He's hot. I wonder what he drinks.
Damn...wish I had His bank account.
Hmmm. I wonder if he's a malt or hops fan.

 

Do you carry Zombie Dust in your pocket for moments like this? If so, is it uncomfortable, and how well does the bottle keep?

 

"every time this damn guy comes in he stares at beer for an hour and only buys two...."

 

You went to a retail distributor (or "case shop", as I like to call them). There are bars, restaurants, & some grocery stores in PA that can sell 6-packs & individual bottles ("bottle shops").

 

Got another one: "That guy mentions his Ciccerone certification a lot. Must come in handy working at Advance Auto Parts."

 

Since I work overnights (even now, if fact), I do a lot of my beer purchasing around 7-8am... I always imagine they say "that rich hobo has a nice suit!"

 

"that guy is a drunk" or "that guy spends a shit load on beer" or "is he having a stroke?" As I stare

 

Yes if we're about to close the doors in the next 5 mins but normally throughout a day's trade to have an indecisive customer like that isn't too much of a drama.

But, the main things we are saying to ourselves is 'please don't drop that six pack' as you hold it by the bottle and 'why did you take that case and not the slightly damaged case' when all the beers inside the slightly damaged one are perfectly fine.

 

"Oh, not this guy again. How many times do I need to tell him that I don't know when <insert limited release here> is coming in."

 

Glad this guy decided to send my kid to college instead of his.

 

"What's his problem, beers don't have expiration dates."

 

"Man, that guy always takes forever to pick out beer."

They think that because it is true.

 

I just made friends with my craft beer store guy. There was no motive to it, he is just a friendly guy who likes to talk about beer, scotch and bourbon. The store is by my work so I usually spend at least 1-2 lunch hours a week browsing and chatting. He even asks me if I am happy with his singles selection since I am a huge supporter of building my own six pack and trying new things. When I went in there on KBS release day, he had a 4pk set aside for me while the limit was 1 bottle per person for the rest of the customers. He told me he tried to contact me on facebook to let me know but didnt know my last name. We ended up exchaging contact info and I will probably start inviting him to some sharings.

 

"Is he ever going to leave?"


I always take a while to look at everything, and then longer to make up my mind about what I want to buy.

 

I plead ignorance as I have never been to a Total Wine as far as I know, but I have seen a few references to TW here and almost always in derogatory terms (staff being deeply ignorant and patronising).

Is that what all TW's are like? If so, why do people go there??

 

"How does that guy know so much about beer? Wish he worked here and I wouldn't have to seem like such a complete ignoramus everytime someone asks me a question harder than what is the difference between ale and lager, I'd send folks to him."

"Here comes that guy who pronounces Gueuze, "Gerzuh," and always wants to know if we have any Cantillon."

"Cheap sonofabitch is always on the phone, probably looking for better prices."

 

I've never had a problem with the TW employees being ignorant or patronizing. They may not know everything about every beer on the shelf but they are always friendly and try to help. Frequently they have volunteered that there are limited beers at the front desk.