Best quotes from reviews

from woodychandler, great friend of Minhas brewery:

"Color was an unnatural neon greenish-yellow (SRM = N/A) with NE-plus quality clarity, enabling me to peer through the fence and into the alley, where the Cybermen were already assembling! Nose smelled like gasoline tinged with fruit esters and I began to cry. Why must such things exist?!? I took my first sip of this vile liquid with its watery mouthfeel. It burned like I had squeezed a block of Sterno into the glass and set in on fire before drinking. My esophageal airway began to CANstrict and the first throes of Cyberhood were upon me! I no longer needed to breathe as my brethren burst through the fence to reclaim me. The tramp of metal boots could be heard throughout the neighborhood and my joints were becoming heavy and metallic"

"Gah! It smelled like Black Raspberry Jell-O that had not yet set. It was not going to set well in my tummy, either. My first sip took me right back to where I had left off with A:M White Citrus as CyberChandler, a Cyberman created as the result of ingesting so many inhuman beers. My shiny aluminum body armor reflected the pretty purple liquid nicely and I raised a toast to my fellow cybernauts, especially #TheOldLady, who must have followed me down a real wrong path. The mouthfeel was fizzy and the sweetness of the natural flavor might have been overwhelming for a humanoid, but for me, it was perfect. It tasted like Mad Dog or any other fortified wine, berry-like, but of an unidentifiable source. My gag reflex was long gone or I might have spewed this liquid all over everything."

"The gate in my backyard came open as the heavily-booted tramping of the Cyberpeople came to collect me. The kitchen was rife with some kind of noxious fumes that smelled like a cross between a dry cleaning plant and a plastics factory along with chewed pink bubble gum for added misery. "

"The nose had a scent of of something dead under the pier."

" It tasted like the summer that I contracted trenchmouth and had to gargle with diluted hydrogen peroxide and have my gums treated with Gentian Violet. I had nearly forgotten that long-dormant memory until this rubbish hit my palate. Finish had a metallic twang that really made my hackles rise because the uninitiated might attribute it to the medium (a CAN) as opposed to the source (Minhas, makers of the world's finest swill and worst beer)"

 

WTF??

Awesome.

 

For fans of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, I give you @Truh's "Place" reviews.

Opening excerpt from Boston Beer Works - Fenway:

"The afternoon sun was warm, not hot, and yet I felt feverish. I struggled to keep up with Jim and Kumar as we made our meandering way from the Other Side to the Fenway location of Boston Beer Works. Instead of walking through the heart of Kenmore Square, we took a circuitous route through some cavernous apartment buildings and ended up on Landsdowne St., Kumar stating imperatively that we must pray at the altar of the Green Monster. As we shambled by the palaces of flesh on the right, DNC tents covering us in shade, I noted in quarter speed that Jim, as he punched Kumar in the shoulder and spewed some profanity in my general direction, laughing and pointing at me, had tiny shreds of carrot sticking to his greasy hair. Kumar, laughing and nodding, had a sliver of radish clinging to his bushy, left eyebrow."

 

So which beer is it????

 

"Pours black as Charlie Murphy." - @wdberkley reviewing Bell's 30th Anniversary Ale

 

From khiasmus describing Victory At Sea

"We achieved victory. It was hard fought, the ships grinding together and the ropes straining at the anchors as the furled sails flapped in the wind. They were unaware and unarmed, and we stormed their decks with gusto at night, the sea all black, pitch black with a big layer of foam at the crest of every wave, until it went calm, until it sank to just the black.
The aromas, aside from the gunpowder and bodies... it smelled of coffee and vanilla, cinnamon, some chocolate and carob, as we careen up on the upper decks, the swordplay of footwork, one wrong step and you will be lost. Some raspberry chocolate, and the oatmeal we had for breakfast on the high seas...
Still, it's unbelievably easy to quaff, though the footwork is madness, though the clanging in the night only reminds you to disarm, disarm, then the only battle is to force him off of the edge... Davy Jones' locker, a long, easy dark drink... you were a decent fighter my friend, but no match for us...
As to the thickness, the body, it's rather nice, but a little thin for the rumored power, just a hint light, but it adds to the effect, to the easy drink, it's easy, Just trust us. Give up.
And of course, the flavours... who could forget? Oatmeal with cream, the same chocolate and perhaps some carob, some black bread toast, lightly burnt, can't ask for much more in this world, anyway... and the faint lingering of the alcohol, the whiskey we sing our songs to every night, raise your flagons, ye dogs! Raise 'em high! We have won another Victory at Sea, me gents!Never Surrender, and take everything! Hahaha! Here's to another Victory at Sea!"

 

And couldn't resist this line I wrote:

"A sickly, pale, light straw, topped by a half hearted off white head, which fades quickly, and, with its absence, leaves the pilsener glass appearing to hold the carbonated urine specimen of a terminally ill diabetic."

 

Thanks for taking up my entire working morning hahaha!

 

in one of the best and funniest reviews for steel reserve malt liquor, which can be read here:

"Strong as Satan's pitchfork and tastes like a hat full of Assholes..."

i highly recommend reading the whole review

 

This is the best I could find:

From your review of Finch's Pig in the Wood

Taste: Caramel malts greet me at the door and provide me a nametag; a bit of hops sit me down for small talk in the middle, rye deftly changes the music on the playlist. By the end, the oak and whisky are debating me in a philosophical discussion of rationalism versus imperialism. Being a heady type of guy (look what I did there) I’m definitely a rationalist, and the beer, considering I have to taste and smell, and look at it, says I’m dumb for being a rationalist AND a beer drinker.

 

Best of the best:

Mynie's Dark Lord review: http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/26/7520/?ba=mynie

 

See this ALL the time, oddly

 

You didn't read any of this thread, right?

 

I saw one or two mentions for it, and wanted to agree with others. One of the links to the review, didn't link to the review itself. Was just linking the whole review for those that wanted to read it.

 

Yikes. What beer was that?

 

I read a lot of reviews that are like straight poetry. I always laugh at those.

One that I recall for a Sam Adams Cherry Bock, or something from their Christmas package a year or two back was to the effect of:
Overall: "Check it. If my boy D-Kwon hadn't drank the other one that came in the 12 pack, I would have another one."

It was a great endorsement.

 

Busch Light

 

Yeah, I've seen a lot of these -- not just the "I didn't like this one much... 4/5!" type, but also the equally weird "this was really good!... 2.75/5" reviews, where everything said in the text is 100% positive but the numerical scores are all super low (like in the 2s range, "poor/awful" going by the 0-to-100 scale) anyway.

 

"Look - Yellow as the snow I piss in on a drunken walk home from the neighbors house on a cold January Michigan night with a cap of froth that sticks around and taunts you but leaves you disappointed lacing wise like an Indonesian prostitute to turns out to have a dong bigger than yours.

Smell - Grainy and corny like the inside of a Farmers asshole or something. Not that I've been there, but if I had this is probably what it would smell like assuming he brews grain alcohol up his bungholio

Taste - Farm Invasion 5.90 - Return of the corn stalks.

Feel - Dead and flat like the movie idea I just pitched in this review.

Overall - I had more fun with my imagination than I did drinking this guy. BUT, if your name is Frank and you live in a shoe box, you might like it. * ding dong * someones at the door again!

"