Having Fun & Combatting Beer Snobbery

I only drink Chimay if I have a Trappist Monk break his oath while serving it to me.

 

I think the earliest kegs were made by the ancients and were made of clay.

I won't drink any beer unless it's wet.

 

And just what is the oath?

 

Well, assuming I tipped him for service his oath of poverty.

 

You guys are plebs, hating on us finer drinkers for truly enjoying the finest of brews.

Myself, I will only drink the best DIPAs from Teku glasses. I sometimes make exceptions for Barrel aged Russian Imperial Stouts, infused with cherry and no less than 12% by volume, as it drinks somewhat like wine.

 

I only drink grain free, gluten free, cage free trappist triple ipas in 7.3 oz pours with absolutely no foamy head no more no less into my batman pint glass with a silly straw.

 

I will drink any beer as long as it's served in the skulls of my enemies.

 

Grass fed beer.

 

I only drink small batch Armangnac barrel aged Trappist tripel sour stouts infused with organic free range cruelty free farm to table collard greens and brewed with pacman yeast.

I only drink it in a 6 ounce serving poured into a water balloon and slingshotted at me with a pair of Audrey Hepburn's panties stolen from a museum. The rest of the batch is then poured into the ocean.

I am so thirsty.

 

Personally, I won't even bother looking at it unless it's been brewed with hops from at least seven continents, aged in green chartreuse barrels, and has received exactly two and a half tear drops from Shaun Hill, per bottle.

 

Only straight out of the bright tank, within 30 minutes of finishing, fresh hops, poured over 32+ year old Heaven Hills barrel wood into a freshly kilned goblet that's never touched an ounce of soap or dust, served only by the most senior brewer, even if that's the owner, and it must have a 101 point rating or higher, otherwise total drain pour.

 

Only if its made from the finest ingredients known to AB

 

I really wish I could find my "only one in existence golden UNICORN horn with the platinum tip drinking vessel" for reading this thread!

Thanks for the laughs folks.

 

If you can get it, I won't drink it.

 

This is like Big Bang Theory + beer. You guys should take video.

 

Only beers so good they drink themselves. A non-sensical name is a welcome adder as well.

 

Assumes he would thank you for the tip.

 

I only drink Goses made from the salty tears of neckbeards and handlebar-mustached dweebs after ABI took their lunch money on Super Bowl day.