Beer Jokes Thread

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh ... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

 

Remember the oldie aboot American beer?

Why is American beer like a canoe? Because it's so close to water.

 

Not a joke per say but I always get a chuckle when I read Snake River's catchphrase, run our river through your liver.

 

I heard a variation on that... How is American beer like having sex in a canoe? Because it's fucking close to water.

 

I literally laughed out loud at this

 

A Priest, Rabbi and a Minister walk into a bar.
One of them says, 'Hey, you hear the one about us?"

 

<Googles “Guinness Joke”>


A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They each buy a pint of Guiness beer.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!"

 

What is the best beer in the world?

...the one in your hand.

 

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

“Lord,” he prayed. “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday.”

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: “Never mind, I found one!”

 

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

 

Three pieces of string are walking down the street and one of them says let's go in the bar and get a drink. Second piece says they won't serve us, we're just string. So the first piece goes in to try and the bartender says " I'm not serving you ,you're a piece of string.
Second piece tries and gets same answer from the bartender.
Third piece of string scrapes himself up and down on the curb and ties himself up, goes in an orders a drink. Bartender says " Look, I'm not serving you. You're a piece of string."
To which he replies, " I'm a frayed knot."

 

What is a 7 course meal for (insert stereotype)?

A six pack and a tuber of choice.

A PC Irish Joke. Involving a six pack and a potato.

 

My bad. Just saw as I was rereading post.

 

Budweiser.

 

Your joke is unfair and is an incorrect stereotype. I had four Beers, potato, cabbage and carrots this evening.

 

Not technically a joke...but a funny beer mug my dad has had since I was a little kid...

 

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



Two: one to hold the lightbulb and the other to drink until the room starts spinning.