Beer Jokes Thread

If not here ... ?

 

Brevity is the soul of lingerie — Dorothy Parker ... couldn't resist. Let's pretend she drank beer and call it related.

 

A bottle was fighting with a can and said to the can "why do you think you're better than me". The can said "well, whenever there's something I think I can't do...I just stop and say to myself...I CAN"

 

Anyone going to the CAN Film Festival?

 

Beer: The cause of ... and solution to ... all of life's problems.
- Homer Simpson

 

More pearls from Homer ...

All right brain ... I don't like you ... and you don't like me.
So let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

Son, a woman is like a beer.
They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

 

Life's most persistent and urgent question is ... 'What are you brewing for others?'
- apologies to MLK

 

The other day I heard a man walk into a bar and yell "Ouch!"

 

(edited for brevity)

I can't remember exactly which comic it was that said it, but the discussion spawned from this reminds me of the old: "A joke is done not when you can't add any more words, but when you can no longer remove any more." Or something to that effect.

Subtle bonus points for the joke paired with the handle. Well played.

 

I said this a month ago in wbaydn but I think a good wisecrack is as humorous as a good joke
Wife asked what I was drinking, I said I'm having a blonde. I figured after being quarantined for months with a brunette I'd shake things up with a blonde.
Her lack of laughter somehow made it funnier to mehow to post pictures online for free

 

A man walks into a pub and asks the landlord "Do you sell beer from the Less brewery"?
The landlord replied "never heard of it" and the man said "my doctor told me to drink Less beer"

 

IPA a lot when I drink beer.

 

Q: How many Irish drinking jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

 

Guy walks into a bar and orders 3 beers. He takes a drink from the first, then one from the second, and finally one from third. He continues this until he's finished all 3. The bartender thinks this is strange but doesn't say anything.

The next night, the guy comes in and does the same thing. The bartender finally says, "You know, if you ordered one at a time, the beers wouldn't get warm." The guys replies, "True, but my 2 brothers and I live in different parts of the world, and we all agreed that when we go out to have a drink, we'd all order 3 beers and drink them at the same time as if we were all together." The bartender says, "That's kinda nice."

A couple days later, the guy comes in and orders just 2 beers and is looking kind of sad. The bartender brings the 2 beers and says, "I'm sorry for your loss." The guy says, "No worries; no one died. My wife and I just joined the Baptist church and decided to stop drinking."

 

The funniest beet joke is the price of beer at ballgames and concerts.

So funny, it makes me cry.

 

"Today a young man" who chugged a Samuel Adams Utopia" realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather." - 95% Bill Hicks

 

3rd go for that one. Lol

 

A couple more punch lines for your enjoyment:

• "What? D'ye think I canna eat a bootjack as well as ye?"
• "Great food, no atmosphere."