Coconut Porter
Red Bay Micro Brewery

Coconut Porter? And there’s no artificial flavours or preservatives, just malt, grain, hops, yeast and water... this sounds promising. But here’s the catch - it’s from an unknown micro-brewery in Cleveland (the Brisbane Australia suburb not the American city) of all places. A place well known for its Red Bay bogan lifestyle, not that there’s anything wrong with that. What is a “bogan” you ask? It’s the Aussie slang word for people that are less culturally inclined... to put it tactfully.

Poured from a 330ml bottle into a nonic pint.

A: Presents well with a deep ruby clear body and a tan head that sticks around a little while, looks a bit fizzy though.

S: Aroma is primarily coconut (of course) with chocolate and caramel malts and no real discernable hops in the background. The coconut smells a bit funky though, like it has been on the shelf for too long, a minor quibble.

T: No, no, no... this is just plain wrong - that funky coconut mixes with an askew malt/yeast and a sour rather than bitter finish... it is wrong on so many levels that the tongue doesn’t even know where to begin. Also it doesn’t even taste like a porter, not even sure if it is beer.

M: Light bodied, watery but with an ok light carbonation.

D: This brew is a litany of errors; the fizzy appearance, odd smell, funky/sour flavour and watery body. It is not a porter in any sense of what the style means, apart from the colour, and I don’t know how I am going to finish the next 3 bottles in the 4-pack (perhaps I’ll donate them to some homeless person... I’ll make sure that they’re not struggling with an alcohol addiction first, that would just be plain evil otherwise). Another brewery for the “do not drink” list, and that list is getting pretty big too.

Food match: I dare say you wouldn’t be eating anything with this brew, and if so boy are you in trouble (get to the porcelain throne quick).