Victoria Bitter (VB)
Carlton & United Breweries, Ltd.

It is with a sense of foreboding that I arrive at my least favourite of all beers: VB. Well I figured I'm going to try review every beer I can get my grubby little hands on (actually my hands are quite clean and average sized). Without further ado; as I would rather not have any ado for this dreaded brew, I bring you the VB review... err, spew.

Poured from a 375ml can (or "tinnie") into a cheap, cheap 500ml pokal (no use tainting my nice glassware).

A: This is the probably the only good thing I will say about VB; it has a decent enough translucent amber body. There was a centimeter white head which fizzled down to nothing, leaving ne'er a trace of lace.

S: Smells like a trash bag full of musty grains and corn that had been left in the cupboard to dry for three months... with a hint of sugarcane sweetness. No hops. None.

T: Tastes as bad as I remember it, so at least they've managed some consistency over the years; the front palate has elements of a cider without the goodness of apples, it's slightly sweet with a mineral water element, but in the back notes is where it really messes with (and promptly takes a crap on) your taste buds; the hops in this beer give it a tangy bitter bite without any herbaceous or fruit characters and you are left with this aftertaste not unlike the one you would get if you licked a damp sewer rat.

M: Watery and far too fizzy.

D: I'm not exactly sure how to describe how much of a disaster this beer is... it fails epically on so many levels... just to illustrate how bad VB really is here is a list of colloquial names that this brew is called across our fine nation: "Vomit Beer", "Visitors Beer" (for the plethora of migrants who drink it), "Green Death", "Dirty Rotten Vic" or my personal favourite "Vaginal Backwash". You have been warned!

Food match: Slightly raw sewer rat with sautéed cat hair balls if we were going for a flavour profile match, otherwise to save your taste buds from the trauma of VB I would recommend the hottest buffalo wings you can find... trust me on that.

NB: First beer I've reviewed that I had to tip down the sink because I couldn't finish it.

Poured from a 750 ml bottle into a pint glass
Appearance – the beer pours a clear golden color with a small head of white foam. The head fades quite rapidly, leaving a light level of foamy lace on the sides of the glass.
Smell – The aroma is heavy or a biscuit and grainy smell mixed with notes of corn and some grain. Along with these comes notes of caramel and a little bit of must.
Taste – The taste begins with a caramel and grainy flavor mixed with a bit of bread and some notes of apricot and apple. Along with these, are some corn and hop flavor of a light earth and floral hop. As the taste advances there is a bit of an increase in the hop and sweet, with a slight loss of the malt, leaving one with a rather easy natured lager taste to linger on the tongue.
Mouthfeel – The body of the brew is light to medium with a moderate carbonation level.
Overall – A decent adjunct lager. Easy drinking and moderately flavored with a very approachable abv.

this is ok ......BUT....
if you have had a round of other good beers this will pass.
if you drink this on a cleansed pallet then noooooo.

surprisingly it mimics the beers you have drank previous.
so if you drink checz pills , this will taste like that , bavarian helles, and American rice, , only matching , so no darks, wheats etc..

if you start on this you will only drink 3-4
if you drink this halfway thru a session , i promise you will drink 12

 

 

 

 

 

Don't get the hate honestly! Enjoyed this baby for years in Australia. Great after work delight. Needs to be ice cold however to mask slight chemical taste due I think to the reduction in ABV.

 

My favourite Aussie’adjunct’ beer. Tastes like most Australian beers used to taste like before the ABV taxation pushed beers to lower their ABV (and flavour). Best ice cold and not a session beer at 4.9%, but if I want a couple of thirst quenching beers after work this is my choice.

On-draught at Gilligan's, Cairns, Queensland, Australia. ~$7.5 AUD per pot.

Okay, it's not a bitter so there's a definite misnomer there, but it's a pleasant easy drinking brew for what it is.

C / AVERAGE

 

A bit of a nostalgia beer (for me). Drank a watering holes throughout the NT (Darwin, etc). Burnt firewood taste coupled with a flat formadehyde back note. Refreshing but dangerous. Not bad for what you get.

 

The WORST beer in the world! I am ashamed to be a Melbournian when it comes to this Vile Bile. I remember getting drunk on this turd-foam when I was 17 back in the late 80's. The beer scene in Melbourne was a lot cruder back then, and the variety was pretty abysmal. But hey, we were none the wiser. I discovered Coopers Red back in 1990, and never looked back. Glad to say that now, and just like everywhere else, we have a wonderful variety of beers that I would have died for back then. But - back to Vomit Bombs. I had the misfortune of drinking a Vermin Belch the other day, and I couldn't even finish it. It's like the recipe is - get some hops, bung it in a huge vat made of aluminum, wee into it, stir it around...and wait. About a day. Hey presto! the most pitiful beer every produced.

Victoria Bitter. VB. The Virus Beater. The Very Best. The Vomit Beer. Victor Bravos. There's almost as many analogies for Victoria Bitter, as litres of this stuff drunk on a daily basis. It's arguably Australia's most famous beer - piss off Fosters - and is certainly the most popular. There's hardly a pub where you can't find it either in tap or can/stubbie, and the words to the jingle are more well known than the lyrics to the national anthem (is it girt by sea, or gird by sea?)

You either like VB, or you don't. There's no room for sitting on the fence with this beer. It's either something more sacred than holy water, or if your mum was on fire, you wouldn't even use it to try and extinguish her. I used to hate VB, I used to hate the bogan connotations that came with drinking this beer. I used to hate people who drank it. I was a downright snob, and used to look down on people who drank it - especially religiously. But my palate is diversifying, and let's give it a go, to see if I still hate it, or whether it's something that is at the very least tolerable.

Look: This is going to be my 11th beer review, and all but 2 so far have been Aussie adjunct lagers. I will get to the better beers eventually. Poured into a pint glass, we've got a lovely honey gold liquid, clean, filtered. A thin finger of foam has accumulated at the top, but it didn't froth up. It's a little darker than your standard Aussie adjunct lagers, and it actually looks more appealing.

Smell: The classic Aussie adjunct lager smell. Heavy earthy grassy notes come courtesy of the Pride of Ringwood hops, sweet pale malt, slightly sour. Am I overreacting by saying the sourness almost smells like Orange peel? I remember thinking it used to smell offensive. I no longer do. it just smells classically Australian.

Taste: Malty sweetness, nice bitterness. Getting that grassy citrus peel flavour coming through on the bitterness. Smooth, easy drinking. Flavours are mellow, but prominent. Subtle sour tang with a dry finish that makes me want another sip. Slight adjunct taste but not overly powering.

Feel: Fairly highly carbonated, which makes it convenient to slam down that ice cold beer. Ice Cold it is extremely refreshing. Body is medium,

Overall; Either I've lowered my expectations, or I've diversified my palate, and I'm no longer a snob. I can't hate this beer any more. I'm not saying I necessarily love it, but I have grown to appreciate it. It's a part of Australian culture, and it's not going anywhere soon. It's certainly more drinkable than I remember it, and whilst I probably won't go buying slabs of this stuff, I certainly won't hesitate to go for it if I'm at the pub and there's nothing else worth drinking.

Will say, the beer has to be drunk cold. Ice cold. You can't afford to let these warm up,. Once it's creeping up to room temperature, the bitterness from the hops seem to curdle and you get all sorts of nasty flavours going on. That's where I think most people go wrong with VB. It's simply not served cold enough. Most lagers should be ice cold, and ice cold is where the respectable flavours come out to play. Once it starts warming up, grab another one, or just drink em quicker.

#️⃣1️⃣1️⃣

2004: (375 ml bottle, in Norway.) Sweetish orange-like aroma. The flavour is mostly bitterness - more than in Foster's and Castlemaine, but not really pleasant. Will not be a regular beer of mine this one.

Sure it's just another commercial lager, but with it comes good memories of a broke youngster partying at the local RSL, hence the higher score. One thing it has going for it (for an average to sh*tty lager) is that its slightly heavier in taste, not a totally watered down commercial lager as many are. Would I recommend it, probably not, but if you're in Oz, have a few just to blend in:)