CJ (Crunk Juice) Watermelon
Minhas Craft Brewery

23.5 fl oz. can, no canned on date. Have been holding this one down for a bit, split the can with a friend since I'm not willing to delve into this one alone. "Premium Malt Beverage With Artificial Flavor And FD&C Red #40".

A - Pours a toxic, neon, artificially bright pink colored body. No head, some bubbles. Looks like liquid jolly rancher.

S - Which is exactly what it smells like. Permeated by sickeningly sweet artificial watermelon jolly rancher syrup.

T- Sweet & artificial watermelon jolly rancher flavor coupled with some liquid sugar sweetness.

M - It's actually pretty drinkable for the high abv, but it's too sweet and artificial to be good.

Overall, bad. One of the worst non-beers that I've put into my mouth in a very long time. Avoid.

Minhas Craft Brewery CJ (Crunk Juice) Watermelon -----2/5.

There are those times during The CANQuest ™ that The Law of Unintended CANsequences rears its ugly head. When I first set out on this epic journey, I was blissfully unaware of Minhas Craft Brewery and their line of products.

“Contains Alcohol – Drink Responsibly”; “No Minors”; “We I.D.”; “www.cjcrunk.com”.

Our march took us through the parking lot and over to my neighbor’s – Queen Garden 6-Pack, where the head of the pack ripped the doors off and we entered as a group. I would have felt sorry for my hard-working neighbors, but I was no longer human and so I felt nothing.

Nothing but an unquenchable thirst! Whatever human vestiges that remained were not faring well encased in metal and my brain kept registering heat exhaustion, although that could not be the case. One of our number realized this and handed me another CJ Premium Malt Beverage, this time Watermelon. It spoke in a familiar voice and I dawned on me that it was #TheOldLady, turned into a Cyberwoman!

I took a glass from the counter, since the place was now devoid of humans and there was no one to stop me. All humans had rushed from the building in a state of panic. I Crack!ed open the CAN, inverted it to initiate the Glug and watched in mild amusement and fascination as a pink liquid poured forth. It produced fizzy pink head, like soda pop , which quickly dissipated. Color was an unnatural pink hue (SRM = N/A) with NE-quality clarity. It was an unnatural drink for an unnatural entity and I was eager to try some, having left more and more of my human vestiges behind. The smell emanating from it registered as Jolly Rancher Watermelon, whatever that means. I simply used my olfactory sniffer and uploaded it to the database for CANparison. Mouthfeel registered on the scale as medium-bodied with ample carbonation. It has become much easier to review things with access to so much information. The taste did not appear in the “naturally-occurring” spectrum, and a glance at the CANtainer allowed me to read “… with artificial flavor and FD&C Red #40”. It was like a CANdy version of a sour, tart watermelon flavor. It would be unfit for human CANsumption, but I was now able to really enjoy it. The finish triggered what I believe humans refer to as “the gag reflex”, illustrating that I had not been totally subsumed as yet. My inner mechanisms overcame this and I registered sugary sweetness, tartness and that same unnatural watermelon fruitiness from before as my swallow took ‘hold. Yum yum.

See my review of A:M Melonball to find out what happens next!