Conquest
Ill Will Brewing

Appearance looks like a cylinder of egg custard, as it stands almost solidly within one of ill will's trademark dessert tubes. Off-white, headless and fully opaque, it viscously coats the glass with creamy residue, even leaving behind a few specks of actual coconut flesh.

To me, taste is more like plain rice pudding with a little hint of coconut flan. It's shockingly a little less pudding thick than some of their other treats, but there is definitely some chewable coconut in there. That said, it's just so milky--so very dairy milky--in flavor. It's at this point that I wish there was more transparency around what I am actually putting into my body here.

It's easy to come here and just have fun drinking some playful shit with friends, but after having a heavily social morning elsewhere and coming here with the old lady to just sit with some metal before hitting the road, those thoughts had me looking further into my history here.

I only now realize that I started off rating many of these "smoothie style ales" by ill will hovering around the 4 mark. Confounded by how exactly to rate them, I leaned towards conceding that, yeah, if the first sip or two are explosive in delivering what they promise, then sure, why not? But now, I'm leaning more towards the idea that if you're not comfortable having more than 2-3 sips of any sort of beverage, then it's simply not drinkable.

And with that in mind, what else are we doing here? It may be a gluttonously satisfying dessert more suitable to delivery via bowl and a spoon, but just looking at dudes bellied up to their picnic tables, elbows up with hands folded over their glowing neon dessert tubes, how long can you really sit here for? And are you really even getting a buzz on? At this point, just remove whatever alcohol there is and let the kids get in on it. You'll make a million dollars a day, especially if these dessert tubes start popping up statewide.

Thankfully, there are now a ton of Pabst products available for those looking for beer flavored beer, so I had me a Stroh's to clean the pudding out of my throat.

If you don't want your melted ice cream beer to look and feel like melted ice cream, I don't know how to help you.