Beer Jokes. This should be good...

classic in euro

 

What are the most common last words of rednecks?

"Well, hold my beer and watch this!"

 

Definition of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.



I'll be bock.

 

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!

"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."

(source: jokes4all.net)

 

I was all hopped up for this thread, (I really could not wheat for some good ones) but there's barley any jokes. Doesn't seem rye-ght.
Now, excuse me, I have to Schlitz.

 

Gak, guess I'll grin and beer it.

 

An oldie

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down, and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

 

My friend and I were at the local pub drinking the other night. I looked over and said, "Hey man, look at those two old drunk bastards over there. That'll be us in a few more years". He glanced over, looked at me and said "You drunk idiot, that a mirror!"

 

Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day , he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.

The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."

She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"

"I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the men's room.

 

A man walks into a bar and up to the counter. The bartender asks him, "what can I get for you today." The man replies, "I'll take three glasses of your most rare bourbon barrel aged russian imperial stout." As fast as the bartender was pouring the man was downing the beers even faster one after another. Stunned the bartender asks, "I've never seen anyone drink that fast before." "You'd drink that fast if you had what I had," said the man. "What do you have," asks the bartender. Turning around the man replies, "fifty cents."

 

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

 

A roman walks into a bar and holds up the peace sign to the bartender and says he needs 5 beers.

Are you cold and wet? Try holding your beer upright.

Did you know beer contains estrogen? When you drink too much you lose your ability to drive and stop talking. (Sorry Ladies)

A man walks into bar.


He says "Ouch".

Sorry, I'm notorious for dad jokes.

 

I liked the Roman one, it took a minute to get.

 

A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer and a mop.

 

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."