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Discussion in 'Beer Talk' started by Troutbeerbum, Aug 12, 2018.
I am not normally that guy, but...
That was aweful. Really.
As an emcee, I feel qualified to jump in here. What type of stanza were you looking for? The traditional a-b a-b, or otherwise? I feel like I took my rhyming ability to the next level when I started to read the romantic period of poetry.
I'm not saying it's great, but I respect the format. I get the sense that, perhaps, you might not be all that familiar with traditional poetry.
Peace to the OP.
"I establish parameters, through iambic pentameter."
I had heard a quote from that poem many years ago. For some reason it came to mind, and through the power of the internet I found it. Posted it purely because of the subject matter.
It's not about form. I am a fan of Poetry and familiar with many poetry styles. The writing is just bad IMO.
It's like when Twain or Shakespeare have a character write a poem in their work and it is pourposefully bad. That's how I see this.
I respect your opinion. Cheers.
Of poetry I am not a fan,
and I still ain't.
It's very much of it's era. It ain't great poetry but it spoke to me (I coulld picture a Victorian gent, puffing on a stogie while sipping a cold one) and I liked it!
Yikes! I reacted.
Of poetry I know not.
This is not helping.
Tagging @Martyartie and @patto1ro for the “nut-brown” reference.
Curiously, I like words, rhymes and puns but poetry has never done it for me.
Thank you. It wasn't meant to be anything greater.
While we’re on poetry, I want to segway into literature a little.... I’m a huge Steinbeck fan, Cannery Row being my favorite book. This poem brings to mind a Mac, Eddie, and the rest of the boys at the Palace Flophouse.
It lost me for a bit, but the last few lines were kinda dope. Good on them for mentioning nut brown ale in the poem!
I like it. Expressing such deep thoughts with a few well-chosen words is a true art form. As far as the construction goes, it reminds me a great deal of the hymn "Love Unknown." It flows smoothly despite the terse phrasing. Besides, it describes perfectly what I am doing right now. (Except for the cigar.)
De gustibus and all that.
Segue, not Segway.
That was so bad, it hurt my soul when I read it.
I thought one was required to relinquish ones soul when one accepts a position in your field?
Poims versus haiku is
An interesting type of
Comparison of chat
I don't claim the skill of a Poe or a Thackeray
But I can tell you for certain that poem was hackery.
I actually found that to be a well constructed poem.
I am a life long student of poetry and a practitioner on occasion.
I read and appreciate all kinds of work. Charles Bukowski, Ted Hughes, Theodore Roethke, Thom Gunn, Gary Snyder, William Wordsworth, George Gordon (Lord Byron), and just so many more. This piece doesn't bother me, it's well written and highly contrived. That's OK.
The poem does remind me of a classic English folk song, John Barleycorn Must Die, most famously done by Traffic with Steve Winwood on ethereal vocals. It is the nut brown bowl reference that keeps popping up.
Mr. Arnold, I've served with poets. I know poets. Poets are friends of mine. Mr. Arnold, you're no poet.
Ah, Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle. The greatest put down I've ever seen! I wish Hillary Clinton had told Trump to get the hell away from behind her in that debate. She surely would have won. He was really creepy.
I once had a can from Nantucket....
Nevermind. You guys are all critics.
That was part of a dozen in a bucket.
Christ, give me some Bukowski sensibility (and a cleansing shot of whiskey)...
When last one was gone
Still my thirst carried on.
I saw one of yours, and I snuck it.
without analyzing too deeply...the structure is supposed to mimic the lacing in a glass.
related to these lines:
So, if I gulp my sorrows down,
Or see them drown
In foamy draughts of old nut-brown,
Then do I wear the crown,
Without the cross!
the crown he wears is him tipping back his head to chug the beer and the glass is the like a crown.
While I am not an emcee, I have been writing poetry as an amateur for fifty years, so take my criticisms for what they're worth.
The rhymes were forced by making unnatural groupings of words, and the words themselves seem poorly chosen, such as in this sentence, in which graceful describes the smoke and free describes the cigar. It is incongruous.
"The graceful smoke-wreaths of this free cigar! "
Really? No word(s) came to this guy to complete the image so well started with the word graceful? The whole poem suffers this same malady.
It strikes me as something written quickly, and likely while a bit drunk, and not given a suitable look over and re-write before declaring it completed.
Here’s a poem my 3 year old came up with yesterday:
(note: I asked him if it had a name and he said, “no”, so the title might actually be ‘No’)
Dad’s makin’ beer
We’re drinkin’ beer
Take ‘em all
Of note: “Take ‘em all” is a clear reference to one of his favorite songs; “Five-forty” is just a number he likes for some reason.
Way better than the other one...
Suck it, George Arnold!
I drank my first beer with my grandfather
he comes to me in dreams....
like the cowboy he was
he tells me about things that used to be
and how to remember all of the quiet things
I tell his story everyday
The summer heat warms
bubbles in my glass arise
Written while enjoying a marzen in August....
I don't think I ever said it was great. I was just trying to defend the guy from unnecessary criticism.
A wordsmith I'm not
I'll lift a glass, not a pen
An Alesmith will do
Since he's dead all criticism, and praise too, is unnecessary
I sit at work, going berserk.
Reading of beer, yet I'm stuck here.
Oh to sit in my chair, watching the game
Drinking a beer while my lions play lame.
My only intentions on football sunday
Drinking ale, eating food and wasting away.
As you can tell, I'm ready for the season to start.
You're a bad MF. You know that? I hold you in high regard, obviously. Cheers, sir!
Right back atcha. Cheers to you, sir!