Beer Jokes. This should be good...

A Texan walks into an Irish pub and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

 

We should rename this Macro beer jokes...

 

There's an old classic that can be found by googling "Irish Sausage Joke". I've told it enough, you can go look it up.

 

A horse walks into the bar and the bartender says "Hey fella, why the long face?" -My 5yr old daughter.

Wonder where she gets it from?

 

Funny, I thought that was a Westerosi joke about a Lannister, a Martell, and a Stark...

 

Natty Light

waiting to see if anyone gets this...

 

Hahahaha! Yes, yes it is!

 

Many versions of this one exist - this is not the best, but it is fairly short. The art of the pun lies n the set up...

MEL FAMEY

Was he the best pitcher that ever threw a baseball? Back in the 1950s, there were a lot of folks who thought so.
Mel Famey of the Milwaukee Braves was a natural -- a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon whose fast ball blew away the best hitters. His triple digit fastball made even his catcher cringe. His 90 MPH curve ball would start out like it was going to hit the batter's ear, only to break at the last instant and hit the outside corner of the plate for a strike. His change up made the best hitters in the league cry.

He was indeed awesome!

Why then, you might ask, is he not in the Hall of Fame? Why haven't you ever heard of him?

Alas, like many others before him, Mel's downfall was demon alcohol.

Ol' Mel really liked to tilt the glass. His drinking became almost legendary around the country, but he never let it affect his pitching until The Braves and the Yankees were in the World Series!

Excitement reigned!

The series was tied at three games apiece, and the Braves were in New York for the seventh and deciding game.

The night before the big event, Mel's thirst got the better of him. He sneaked out of the hotel after curfew, and bought himself two cases of beer.

As you might imagine, the next morning Mel was suffering the effects.

But being the pro that he was, Mel managed to do just fine -- until the bottom of the ninth inning. With the Braves ahead by one run, two out, and the bases loaded, Mel's revelry the night before finally caught up to him.

Eight straight pitches -- eight straight balls. He walked in the tying run and the winning run, thereby, losing the game and the series.

After the game, a reporter went to the jubilant Yankee's clubhouse and spoke to the last two players that faced Mel. "Tell me," he asked, "to what do you attribute this victory over the best pitcher in the major leagues"?

In unison they replied, ... "It was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us"!

 

Guy wakes up on his front steps, head pounding, can barely see, notices his lawn is torn up with tire tracks, his bushes are run over, and his car is smashed into the wall beneath the bow window. "Well, at least I made it home last night," he thinks. Then he remembers he hadn't gone out.

 

Did you hear about the bar on the moon?...great beer list but no atmosphere...

What kind of beer do you make in a bucket?? Pale Ale!

A bunny walks into a bar and orders a carrot juice. The surly bartender says 'We don't have carrot juice'.
Next day the bunny comes back. "I'll have a carrot juice"...The surly bartender says "Look bunny...I told you yesterday we don't have carrot juice...If you come back in here again I'm gonna nail your foot to the floor!"
The bunny leaves but of course comes back in the next day and asks "Do you have a hammer?" The bartender says "No'
The bunny then replies "Then I'll have a carrot juice!"

 

Sorry for posting a similar joke @dcotom. I'll try and redeem myself! I'm mostly Irish and this one has always been a favorite.

What's an idea of an Irish vacation?
A different bar.......

 

For your enjoyment, a few punch lines from old bar jokes:

"I'll have vinegar and water."
"If I wasn't an old billiards drinker from way back, I'd swear that was piss."
"At eight bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."
"No, but if you'll hum a few bars, I'll see what I can do."
"Before I cut off his tail and painted him yellow, he was an alligator."
"He ain't much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over twelve motorcycles on his way out of the parking lot."
"I didn't want to fight. I just wanted to know who the sons of bitches were."
"Iceberg, Goldberg..."

 

I recommend that you never tell that one in person, unless you enjoy being hit .

 

One of my faves...

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

 

hahahahahahaha

 

A man walks into a bar...ow.

 

You forgot, "I'm not surprised at these prices."

 

Ham and eggs walks into a bar... the bartender yells "HEY! WE DON'T SERVE BREAKFAST HERE!"

Guy walks into a bar. The peanuts say "that's a lovely shirt you're wearing" while the cigarette machine says "you've got the ugliest mug I've ever seen". Bartender says "Sorry, the nuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order."

 

A Lannister always pulls his draughts.

And I understand Ned Stark orders his without head.