Beer Jokes. This should be good...

GROAN!

 

A piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here! Get out!"

The rope goes outside, ties himself into a knot, scuffs up his hair, and goes back inside. The bartender says, "Didn't I just tell you we don't serve your kind here?"

"I'm a frayed knot!"

 

A bear walks into a bar and says.. "I'll take a.....................................

..............................................................

.......................................

.....................

........

.
Beer"
The bartender says "ok but why why the long pause?"
bear says "I am a bear ya know"

 

Saw on a T-shirt yesterday

(big letters)
IPA

(tiny letters)
lot when I drink beer

 

Budweiser "America"

...

 

I have a t-shirt that says "In dog beers I've only had one".

 

The old Denis Leary "Beer Flavored Beer" skit always makes me laugh, at myself a little, and at the overall craft industry.

 

While this joke made my head and wallet hurt it is....ahem...brutaltruth. NICE!

Cheers!

 

Whiskey and ice ruins your heart
Vodka and ice ruins your liver
Gin and ice ruins your brain
Rum and ice ruins your kidneys
Tequila and ice ruins your reputation
Beer and ice ruins your beer...
Moral of the story.... Lay off the ice

 

The english found a magic lamp, he rubbed it and a Genie appeared

The Genie says: "I will give you three wishes"
The man think awhile, and then ask: "I want a beer"
So the man drink his beer.
The genie says: "what will be your second wish?"

The man think again, and then ask: "I want another beer"
The Genie thinks it is awkward, but grants the man his beer.
So the man drink his second beer.
So the Genie warns the man: "you have just one wish left, ask carefully"
The man think and made some considerations and decided what he wanted: "I want a million dollars"
So the Genie grants the man his wish. But the Genie still confused asks the man.

I noticed you asked two beers and a million dollars, mind if I ask you why you did this?
So the man answers: "I was shame to ask another beer!"

 

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says: "I will give you three wishes."

The man thinks awhile. Finally he says: "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says: "I want two more of these."

 

Beer knows one another.

 

Some times random punchlines are funnier than the whole joke

 

This is one of my all-time favorite jokes.

 

What's the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat?

They are both SO close to water!

 

Also an all-time favorite. I guess I have a lot of beer-related all-time favorites.

 

Someone should make a beer called occasionall so when I'm asked I can say I only drink occasionally. Or they could name it responsibly.

 

When it's sunny, I think, "beer garden!"
When it rains, I usually go to the bar for a while.
When it's snowing, I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather…

 

A man walks into a bar and is immediately knocked unconscious.


How can this be? 1st correct response wins a prize.