Beerly illiterate, looking for help

It'll be hard to pick one... I would suggest going into that store that has those thousands of beers for sale and do just what you've done - pick a few random ones and see what you do and don't like. Over time you will start to understand what floats your boat and what doesn't.
See if they have tastings there - go to those if you can. If not a formal tasting, see if they have brewers or distributor reps in to sample their wares.
I would probably start with fairly light styles, like Kolsch, maibock and other lighter German styles. Grab some Sam Adams Boston Lager, maybe Anchor Steam, give them a try.
Open your mind with canned beer - most breweries use a liner that gets rid of the "metallic" taste in most beers.
Also the cold thing. "warm" is a misnomer - you don't want beer at room temp (well, most of the time) Very generally speaking, the paler and lighter a beer, the cooler you want it - never at freezing, you can't taste anything that way. Low 40's (F) is about where you want most of the lightest, and darker beers around "cellar temp" (using wine terminology) about 55 degrees or so, maybe a bit higher, but really no warmer than 60.

 

Columbus IPA

 

Go to a bar and get "flights" which consist of any range of beer that is on tap and come in (4) handy 4 oz servings.

 

Order a pint of Guinness next time you're at a pub or a restaurant.

 

I have 2 pieces of advice:
1) You are in Ohio, try White Rajah
2) Buy "Tasting Beer" by Randy Mosher. It is inexpensive (especially if you buy the Kindle version) and loaded with great information.

Enjoy your journey!

 

I was just in Cleveland for the bears game Sunday and went to a place called the winking lizard which sounds like it might be the place you are talking about. The staff there seemed to really know their stuff I would suggest asking them. It's not like the beers that you have had but I would personally suggest trying Robert the Bruce by Three Floyds all the people that are new to craft beers I've had try it enjoyed it.

 

You're going to get a lot of good suggestions, none of which are a "wrong" way to go about it. Judging by your tastes, I would start exploring German styles and sprinkle in a different style here and there to see if you might like it. For instance, maybe get a 6-pack of a pils or a kolsch and then a bomber with a description that seems interesting to you. That way, you have stuff to fall back on that you know you'll like, while being able to test your boundaries. I think this balance is a great way to approach beer.

 

Belgians were my gateway. IPAs are very polarizing to novices, most BAs will want to point you towards those but don't be discouraged if you hate them, for many the taste for IPAs is acquired much later.

 

I grew up in Florida before Cigar City existed and "beer" to me was Bud, Miller, Coors, and Natty Light. I usually drank them as cold as god damn possible and never really thought more of it. Here is how I ended up breaking the cycle.

First off be opened minded. If you look at something as "too warm", smells weird, looks weird, too dark, etc you could end up missing out on amazing beers.

Second, try the same beer every six months or so. Your tastes and palate will evolve. I still remember drinking a sour beer when I was 19 and hating it, current me would kick my own ass for drainpouring a Duchesse.

Third, Find a GOOD tap house. I emphasize good because a lot of tap houses have great selection but will not take the time to walk you through their product and help you learn and grow.

Fourth, Try absolutely everything! This is huge samplers, flights, mixed 6 and 12 packs are all going to be key. There are some beers that based on description alone I could almost guarantee I would hate. For the most part you wont spend more than a few dollars on it and it may be well worth the risk.

When it comes to actual suggestions on specific beers your best bet is to work within a style. Based on what you have said try the following:

Pale Lagers
Pilsners
Pale Ales
Wheat
English Bitters
Belgian Blondes
Saisons

These should act as at the very least a jumping off point to try other things. Best of luck and happy hunting :-)

 

Oh and canned craft beers usually have a liner that protects flavor. Especially if you pour it into a glass you would have no idea it wasn't from a bottle.

Besides its just a tiny keg

 

In addition to all of the great advice that's been offered to you, let me say a few things if you're looking to get in to beer as a hobby:

1. Prepare your wallet. Like any fun hobby, it gets expensive quick.
2. If you like to write things down, now is the time to do it. I would LOVE it if I could find a list of every single beer I've ever tasted. It would make me happy inside.
3. Enjoy the ride and prepare to have your mind blown. Once you go down the rabbit hole there's no going back. Cheers.

 

All Day IPA.

 

Lotta good kolsches out there, I recommend trying them all, since you know you like the style. Apparently low alcohol subtle beers that are very refreshing might be where your beer journey is right now.

Lightly hopped, low ABV, amber ales may be a natural next step, very user friendly, and an easy gateway into the thicker, hoppier, more flavorful beers.

Many noobs enjoy hefeweisse right from the start. Give Weihenstephaner a try, it is amazingly good, easy to find in bottle.

Other than these specifics, I recommend trying as many beers as you can. Using the reviews on this site will help you to decide ahead of time if the beer might be something you like. Cheers!!

 

You have access to many good brews in central Ohio, but a good starting point may be Sam Adams Boston Lager. It's ubiquitous and will gently introduce you hops, something not apparent in the adjunct lager/pils styles you've been drinking. And everyone else is right - the metallic taste from cans is pretty much a thing of the past.

 

That's the best suggestion- start exploring the style you like best, and then maybe branch out from there. Reissdorf is another solid Kolsch to try, and shouldn't be too hard to find.

<ETA: and this probably goes without saying, but if you do try a, say, hefeweizen and really enjoy it, then that becomes another style for you to start to explore.>

Another suggestion would be to try to sample multiple offerings from a brewery you like.
Also from Weihenstephaner- Original (Helles) and Pilsener, both all-malt lagers with character and drinkability. If you start to enjoy those, maybe branch out to some of their stronger beers every now and then, like Vitus or Korbinian.

FWIW- I love the pun.

 

I will recommend the method that I learned about beer and beer tasting: Go to your local craft bottle store and buy a selection of beers that look crazy or interesting. When you drink them, spend some time on them; note the aroma and see if you can think of some notes in the flavour. Then go online and read some reviews on the beer you are drinking and see if you can identify with some of the notes that the reviewers mention (I would recommend reviews from buckeyenation and BEERchitect). I always think it is best to learn on your own, at your own pace.

Good luck and enjoy the wonderful world of beer!

 

What part of Ohio are you in? With a little more information I can give you some more specific information to start your journey.

Just remember, don't drink what you don't like. Enjoy yourself. The evolution of your tastebuds is the most exciting part of this new hobby. The world of craft beer can explode when you just start trying everything.

Good Luck!

 

Lots of good advice, and a few people have tried to convince you that the metallic taste from a can is a myth and shouldn't happen because of the liners. This is true, unless you're drinking straight from the can. If you're putting your tongue to metal, of course it tastes metallic. So, any canned brews you try: pour into a glass. Any bottled brews you try: pour into a glass. Don't have to worry about the "proper" glassware, but always pour your beer into a glass, you'll be surprised at how much more you can taste that way.

 

Since you're in Ohio, I'd recommend trying Great Lakes' beers. Many of them fit with what you describe as your taste preferences and they're easily obtainable:
Dortmunder & Burning River would be good beers to try first. You might then give Elliot Ness a shot, and after that, Commodore Perry. The latter is a well-balanced IPA and the hops aren't too extreme.

Of course, Christmas Ale is all over Ohio right now, and many, many people who normally don't drink beer have a few of those during the holidays.