Best quotes from reviews

Ever had a beer that made you question being a human? I'm sure it's a typo, but it definitely made me giggle
"The flavors blend together but leave me with the impression that I'm a very strange herbal soda and not a beer"

 

That beer is well loved @PSU_Mike had a great line in his review too
"...I could barely get down a sip before a wave of heat completely coated my mouth. Akin to having your throat ***** by Satan's flaming penis."

I don't want to know how he knows, nor do I want to find out so I will pass on the beer.

 

"This thing is like diving into a Belgian bath house full of fresh cut grass, rose pedals, and pineapple while cheating on your ex-wife with Jennifer Love Hewitt. As you embrace her she blows a bubble of Hubbabubba Freak and you're finished. BONE DRY."

 

Fucking hated that atrocity. I had this in the same share as both Crime and Punishment and those two seems like a mild tickle in the back of your throat in comparison. So.fucking.hot.

 

I was cruising through reviews on malt 40s when I uncovered this gem by @El_Dino....

"If I were to sum myself up in one word, it's swank. I'm a guy who only cares for the fine things in life. If you're like me, then Olde English is the beer for you. The aroma of oak is evident once you open it (probably what is was aged in). The taste is smooth and sweet, similar to many other high-end European beers. I became violently ill shortly after finishing this (probably unrelated)."

 

Just stumbled across this one and had to share...the beer is Perennial's Peach Berliner...as reviewed by @MrBauerlein

"Had on draft at hair of the dog. Smelled of fresh thanksgiving day farts. Taste was of a lower quality Berliner with no peach. Hard to get past this fart Bomb."

 

Back in the day @Truh used to write short stories on his beer and places reviews. I specifically recall one about he Coolidge Clubhouse, but I still don't know if his friends in the stories are real or not.

 

I just had to force myself to stop reading this while I'm in public. Will come back later to read more.. maybe with a bud light clamado or 2

 

"I cannot remember who sent me this, who ever you were.... screw you."

Thank you Crazy Ed's Chili Beer and @kzoobrew for one of the best opening liners I've ever come across. Sacrificing your palate wasn't in vain...

 

Holy crap...Steve should be given some kind of award for this prose. The internet at its best!

 

I give you Dixie White Moose:
http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/404/2373/

"smells like goat sex"

 

A somewhat similar British version http://www.barelyedible.co.uk/

 

"Tastes like algae-ridden water in which I soaked my sweaty ball sack was run down the crack of my diarrheac ass into a .

".

For Coronado Idiot IPA

 

Found these two gems...

"This shit is insanely strong and will kick you in the balls. Better yet.... If makes me feel like a dinosaur. I'm in a slap fight and I'm a T-Rex... Just getting fucked up during this battle of Palms vs. Face. Did I expect any different? Absolutely not. Can cracked and I'm ready to go. Stogie is lit and it's time for battle. After all I've said...all I have to say is................" for steel reserve


"Hey check it out, a darker version of chocolate milk that is actually beer! A little bit o black and some brown, like my ex gf at a gang bang on the colony" for Terrapins MooHoo

 

We break out a pair of cans, pouring into our Great Lakes pint glasses. It shows a pale, canary yellow coloring, with lighter tones of straw around the edges when held to light. A thick one finger head of soapy, heavy white bubbles crowns the liquid, leaving happy patterns and sheets of lacing around the glasses as it goes. A reasonable chill haze cuts clarity, but no sediment is noted. Carbonation appears to be on the lighter side. The aroma shrieks of pilsner maltiness and white flour grain, but coming behind this is a medley of New York City bathroom hand soap, dried tulip petals, plastic wrap, cloven spiciness, burnt buttered popcorn, dandelion weediness, moist pound cake, overripe green pears, and surprisingly mild hoppiness of grassy, lightly citric, and distantly tropical varietals. The flavoring rounds out with browned apples, dominating pilsner malt bittering sweetness, biscuity undercooked pale grain, mineral-laden and metallic European yeastiness, chemically booziness, hops heavy with tropical fruit cloy of pineapple and papaya, early sticky roux butteriness, the faintest bubblegum and banana esters, watercress, table cracker breadiness, light plastic phenols, and salted sea shells. Hops come out in much brighter form through the aftertaste, with bitterly grassy, citric, and soapy tones. The body is lightly medium, and the carbonation sits solidly medium, with nice prickle that flows up and down the tongue. Each sip gives bubbly, and creamy slurp and smack, with dripping coating across the entirety of the palate. This quickly gives way to a puckering, yeasty, astringent dryness that makes us that much more thirsty for the next sip. The abv is appropriate, and the beer drinks very well.

Overall, this is a vogue, concept-beer, and it works. The idea of taking a single hop and making something from it is ubiquitous, but by limiting one’s self to a single malt as well, you make it a bit more challenging. Here we meet a savory, salty, and sweet pilsner malt. This is unabashedly clean, yet inherently bitter and coy. Long Trail smartly decides to combine that with the galaxy hop, for an obvious balance of fruity sweetness and citric warmth. For the most part, we attain harmony. The hops do pale a bit when put up directly against the grain bill, making for more push than likely desired, but the final product is pleasant. We’re not quite sure at this point how far Long Trail is going to run with this concept, but they’ve certainly got our attention, and we’re happy to stick along for the ride.

 

I was reading through some of my reviews and I realized this came from my review of Lagunitas Imperial Red...lmfao. completely forgot about it

 

Having trouble finding it, but one of my favs read "L - Pours blacker than a pimp's heart"

 

Guys, this SOB that reviewed Bud Light's Clamato beer

"This is the shit. The Shit. Seriously. Nothing says let's go camping, find some inbreds, and let them shove a banjo up our asses like Bud Light & Clamato. I find myself gravitating towards flannel shirts when I crack open a 25 oz. bad boy, and later I am grasping my hatchet when I wake up on the splintery floor of my dad's Winnebago, drowning in empty Bud Light & Clamato cans and empty Cheez-It boxes. 10/10 will drink again. Woo Pig Sooie."

 

This beer's one of the worst beers I've ever had.. yet, this review sounded almost exactly what I would've written. Almost..

 

TheBrewo always writes amusing and excessively verbose reviews. Very colorful in his descriptions...