Help a guy who "doesn't drink beer" find something entry-level to enjoy?

Try to find Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale. It tastes like bourbon, and a touch of ale. PS that was my St Patty's Day morning beer last year (kicked things off right). Some heavy bourbon or barrel flavored beers may be your best bet. Or even a low ABV very balanced beer.
Other BAs help me out with some names, but here are my suggestions:

The Abyss
KBS
Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier
Schneider Aventinus
Schneider Weisse

 

Well seeing as you live in Indianapolis, Indiana, you live close to Three Floyds which makes some of the most sought after beers around the world. You are also within reach of Founders, Bells, Jolly Pumpkin and Goose Island to name a few that are also very, very highly regarded and sought after. However, most of those beer flavors will most likely take a while for your palate to react to favorably. If you try to drink one of those beers today, it's probable you will dislike them. But trust me, if you give craft beer a chance, you will make your way back to those.

If you can find any of the next beers around try something like Avery Joe's Pilsner, Saint Arnold Lawnmower, Maui Brewing Bikini Blonde or Maui Brewing Mana Wheat. These are beers that have enough flavor to be enjoyable but are not very aggressive or extreme. Try any of those. If you hate those, we might have to start you on a different path.

 

MY advice for newbies is this- find a local brewpub or bar that offers racks of 4oz samples and go in to try as many styles as you can handle. Throw enough stuff at the wall and something'll stick.

That being said if bitterness turns you off be wary of drinking IPAs and double IPAs until you get your foot in the door with another style.

 

Not trying to poo poo or anything, but why do you want to get into beer if you don't like most of it?

 

Rogue's Hazelnut Brown
Alaskan Amber
Left Hand Milk Stout (maybe Nitro Millk Stout would be an easier start)
Samuel Smiths Oatmeal Stout


Breckenridge Brewery's Avalanche Ale or New Belgiums Fat Tire might be easy beers to break into as well.

 

Young Double Chocolate Stout
Sam Smith Oatmeal Stout
Try some Scotch Ales. Sweetness with almost no hoppiness.
Final word, just keep drinking. Its an acquired taste. Someday you will wonder how you could live without it.

 

Good call on the Left Hand. He is so bitter averse that those tame ambers might taste like grapefruits to him though.

 

Possibly...I just have a friend who hates bitter/hops and Ambers are his style of choice...which is why I went that route.

 

Ommegang Rare Vos, Unibroue Don de Dieu, Aventinus

 

Perhaps because, like many others here on BA, he likes the idea of beer more than he actually likes beer?

 

I'd go with something on the sweeter, maltier side since you're not enjoying the bitterness (especially as the beers warm)... English barleywines? Scotch wee heavies? Märzen/Oktoberfest? Milk/sweet stout? Try a Young's Double Chocolate Stout or a Southern Tier Choklat - or God forbid, a Southern Tier Creme Brulee. Amber/red ales might also do the trick, they're generally pretty malt-forward. Or take a total left turn from what you've been trying and have a good Belgian pale or tripel, or a nice saison.

 

What do you like to drink and/or what flavors do you enjoy? Shogo offers some real good advice.

 

The stouts and porters above sound good, and if you're looking for something a bit different or unexpected, I might suggest trying something Belgian. They often don't have that "beer taste" that a lot of people dislike. I'm not super familiar with the beers in your area, but if you happen across a witbier or maybe a belgian tripel you might try those for something different. It seems like Chimay and Westmalle are usually fairly readily available, as well as Unibroue and Ommegang and i'm sure plenty of other things.

And I always love the idea of hitting up a bar and trying a bunch of 4 oz tasters. If the bar has a decent selection you're bound to find something you enjoy. Or maybe it just isn't for you, and that's cool too.

 

Track down a hefeweizen (e.g., Weihenstephaner or Sierra Nevada Kellerweiss). Along similar lines, I'd also look for Ommegang's Hennepin or Boulevard's Tank 7 or Sixth Glass. In my experience, yeast-driven beers like these are liked by beer noobs more than hoppy or even malty beers.

 

I had forgotten about Belgians and nitro stouts. Duck Rabbit Nitro Milk Stout would be great as well.

 

Maybe you are waiting for this, but I like beer more than the idea of it.
Still I had the same question as leedorham. Why does the OP want to like beer when he clearly doesn't? I don't like hard alcohol so I stay away and enjoy my beer.

 

I would second all of these brews, and throw in Young's Double Chocolate Stout.

 

Weihenstephaner Vitus
or
Weihenstephaner Korbinian

 

As many have said before me, Hefeweisens are a great beginner choice. They tend to be sweeter (bananna, bublegum flavors) and lack the bitterness of other beer styles. Try Fransiskaner for a great example of the style, or Sierra Nevada Kellerweis. Scotch ales and Wee Heavys are worth a look, as they are also much sweeter and less hoppy. Great Divide's Claymore is pretty good IMO. Old Ales, ENGLISH Barlywines, and some Belgian Dark Strong Ales as well.