Retail/wholesale humor

Did you suggest it pairs well with penicillin?

 

A customer came in looking for a good 12 pack that everyone will like. I suggested SNPA which he said he hated.
He said many people drinking don't drink craft beer too much so I suggested Blue Moon. He answered by saying no way it's "far too hoppy."

 

I had a bar tender at a brewery suggest I try "the Italy pale ale. It is really good if you like hoppy beer."

 

me: "Do you guys have any new fresh hop beers in this week?"
dude behind the counter: "All of our beer is fresh, they all have bottled on dates on them, so you can check them yourself."

[I proceed to explain what i mean]

Dude: "I know, all beers are made fresh."

#facepalm

 

I was @ Whole Foods the other day and overheard a conversation between the beer guy and a customer. Beer guy was telling the customer that Sculpin is a fresh hop IPA similar to Pliny the Elder. My tongue still has bite marks.

 

Had a bartender at my last job say the same thing about Blanche de Chambly.

 

I realize that palates are different and people can be extra sensitive to them, but I feel that is the one flavor/item of beer that everybody knows about and just throws around to say they don't like it.

 

Went to see a friend's band Saturday night - the venue was.... questionable?

Asked the waitress, knowing I was making a HUGE mistake, if they had anything by Bell's or any India Pale Ales (gave her options)

I quote: "I dunno who make's Bells and I know we aint got noes Indians Pale Ales"

Pabst for me then.

 

"Beer all tastes the same anyway, just grab a bud light."
About as offensive as it gets, I think.

 

"Do you guys have a beer called Piney the Welder? It's a Russian beer"

and (said to me personally)

"I'm looking for a rare beer you guys might have. It's called umm "Blynder the Elf" After I show it to him he says "Woah... It's Russian. Niceee"

I've heard so many of these but can't think of them at the moment. My brain must be subconsciously blocking them or something.

 

My new favorite mispronounciation!

 

Almost forgot this gem. On 4th of July I was ringing up a customer who came in with his friend. He was buying a 6pk of Dogfish and his friend a 12 pack of Bud wrapped in the red white and blue wrapping for the holiday. He (bud douchebag) says to his friend "put that shit back and buy a REAL American beer." When I told him InBev is a foreign company and DFH is an American family owned brewery he looked like he wanted to punch me.

 

A few good ones I've heard: after a sample of Clown Shoes Clementine "That's pretty good tastes a hell of a lot like Schlitz."
After a sample of Green Flash West Coast IPA "Damn that's potent I'll take it in a 40."
"I only drink good beer like Sam Adams."
When sampling Sixpoint "Uh God I hate beer out of a can."
Me "Do you ever drink draft beer at a bar?"

 

I was recently at a brewery that has a tasting room. There are two young ladies working the bar. There was a beer called Can Jam Lager.

Me: What kind of beer is the Can Jam Lager
Her: It’s a lager
Me: Yes, the beer is called Can Jam Lager.But what kind of a lager is it?
Her: It’s just a lager
Me: Well, your Pilsner is a Lager, Your Golden Helles is a Lager. What type of lager is the Can Jam Lager?
At this point she gets tired of talking to me and brings over the other young lady.
Me: What kind of beer is the Can Jam Lager?
Her #2: It’s a Lager.
I walk away and get some beer elsewhere.

Cheers!

P.S. I subsequently learned via a web search that the Can Jam Lager is a Dortmunder Export.

 

Just had a phone call. "Do you have that um Elderly Piney beer?"

 

What Cantillon beers do you carry?

 

I'm still looking for Russian River Defecation

 

A customer came in looking for a "chocolate stout" that she had on tap at BW3s but didn't know the name.
I started going through all the bigger stouts and chocolate beers you might find at a place like BW3s and eventually worked through pretty much every available stout without any luck and I suggested she try to find out from the restaurant what the beer was.
I see the customer a few minutes later and she says "I found it! It was Strongbow!!"
My jaw hit the floor. I was speechless after that one, that had to be someone pulling a prank on me right?

 

My buddies and I were in northern WI at the Tippler Bar & Grill, where the food and drink menu was distributed haphazardly throughout the walls. My friend asked what they had for IPAs and the surly barwoman angrily asked just what the hell an IPA was. He said it was beer and she pointed to a board that listed the standard BMC variations and some Leine's, saying "We've got those and I've got a couple Totally Nakeds behind the bar." My friend said, "I'll have a New Glarus please," and the woman shouts, "I TOLD YOU WE ONLY HAVE WHAT'S ON THE BOARD!!"

So we quietly drank some Leine's.