Schmoojee Substitutes?

Discussion in 'Beer Talk' started by Lucular, Aug 30, 2022.

  1. Lucular

    Lucular Jun 20, 2014 Maryland
    Society Trader

    I'm a fan of the Imprint Schmoojee line of heavily fruited, thick, sludgy "beers." Honestly, I don't consider them beer - but I do enjoy them nonetheless. One thing I am not a fan of is the price tag, close to $7/can.

    I've had lots of fruited sours, but the Schmoojee...monstrosities...are the most over-the-top example I've had. What are some other ones to look for that take things at least as far? (As an example, Burley Oak JREAMs are awesome, but not nearly as thick/creamy/non-beer-like as Schmoojees.) Ideally at a more attractive price point.

    I am mainly looking for fruit additions, not cookies/cake/etc. I assume lactose is a given, and vanilla is fine too. I'm open to Milkshake IPAs, as long as they're the version that nobody would mistake for an IPA. You know, when they get called an IPA only because someone assumes that'll sell better.

  2. FBarber

    FBarber Mar 5, 2016 Illinois
    Moderator Society Trader

    Humble Forager's fruited sours would fit the bill if you can get them in Maryland. They are ~$17 for a 4-pack, so not cheap, but cheaper than $7 a can ...

    They have some that are just fruit and some that have other things - I prefer the just fruit ones, but both are well done. I believe Coastal Sunshine is the series that is just fruit.

    Also, Urban Artifact is one I would look into - they are even cheaper ~$14 a 6-pack of 12oz cans. They are the heavily fruited kettle sours - very tasty and well done. Again, not sure if you can get them in Maryland.
    Rug and Lucular like this.
  3. Giantspace

    Giantspace Dec 22, 2011 Pennsylvania

    Nocterra swell line is nice. I was given a few and the California swell has over 1200 lbs of fruit in the batch. Never had Imprint( have a gift cert) but just not a fan of these beers. Nocterra was nice but not a beer I would go buy. Looked nothing like beer.

  4. LeRose

    LeRose Nov 24, 2011 Massachusetts
    Society Trader

    Mortalis out of New York makes a bunch - they periodically show up in MA, don't know about other distribution. Collective Arts and Weldworks also come to mind. I think 450 North, Drekker, Burley Oak as noted. None are what I'd call common in my neck o' the woods - they come and they go fast even at the high price points. The fruited kettle sours that are more frequent are a bit less pricey, but obviously don't contain the high level of fruit. I think this is one of those styles where if you wanna play, ya gotta pay. One store we frequent - if the "beer person" is there will tell us what's showed up. Then at least we can decide if we want to fork over the cash :astonished:
  5. BigIronH

    BigIronH Oct 31, 2019 Michigan
    Society Trader

    Arvon and HOMES in MI do them well for about 5.50-6 a can. No distribution though. Southern Grist for 6 a can as well, you may have distro. Honestly, the price of these beers is justified regarding the fruit and other ingredient additions. I like them but can’t justify the cost of getting them constantly. Honorable mention for Humble Forager though I don’t think they’re quite in the same league as the others were discussing. Cheers.

    edit: Untitled Art does a few for 5 a can, again though, not gonna scratch your itch. It is is widely available though.
    Rug and eljabak like this.
  6. Griffin2

    Griffin2 Aug 22, 2014 Virginia
    Society Trader

    Fourscore Beer Co. out of Gettysburg, PA has a couple different fruited sours series. One is called Jahmba, another is Soft Serve. I was able to pick up a mixed 4 pack of Star Wars themed fruited sours from them back in May. They were pretty thick, from what I can recall.
  7. GetMeAnIPA

    GetMeAnIPA Mar 28, 2009 California

    heard good things about mortails. A local shop got some cans but they were $15 a can. So, I just went to Jamba Juice instead.
    Lucular, skelliott and LeedsZimbabwe like this.
  8. Braunmeister_1943

    Braunmeister_1943 Nov 22, 2020 Pennsylvania
    Society Trader

    Dewey Beer Company makes a fair amount of fruited sours. I have not tried any, but I have had their IPAS which are very good!
    Lucular likes this.
  9. Lucular

    Lucular Jun 20, 2014 Maryland
    Society Trader

    I've had a few Humble Forager and will have to pick up some more next time I'm in WI - they haven't made it to MD yet that I'm aware of. I'll keep an eye out for Urban Artifact as well. Thanks for the recommendations!

    I like the Dewey "Secret Machine" beers - just had one on tap yesterday in fact. They're close but not quite at the same level of ridiculous fruit puree/foaminess that Schmoojees exhibit.

    I'll reiterate, I do not consider these (usually tasty) monstrosities to be beer. I haven't really thought it through before, but it seems like they are the end result of a long process that started with adding fruit to American wheat ales. Over the course of several years brewers started with a wheat ale, then added fruit, kettle souring, lactose, more fruit + more fruit + more fruit...and we eventually ended up with Schmoojees and similar science projects. Some of them turn out to be borderline gross (like one from Prison Pals I had on tap yesterday), some of them turn out to be delicious. And somewhere along the line they ceased to be beer.
  10. Alefflicted

    Alefflicted Dec 2, 2017 Minnesota

    If you seek fruit smoothies masquerading as beer. Try seeking stuff from Drekker: (Braaaaaaaaains, Chonk, PRRRT), and The Brewing Projekt: (Smoofee, Puff Tart). :beers:
    Beer_Economicus, BigIronH and Lucular like this.
  11. lucius10

    lucius10 Aug 1, 2017 California
    Society Trader

    As someone who also loves fruited sours, I have had many of the best from across the informal list is:

    Imprint Schmoojees (consistently the best IMO)
    The Answer brewpub (hard to get)
    Baa Baa Brewhouse
    Kings Brewing Frose's
    Bottle Logic(surprisingly good in this area!)
    Urban South HTX(Spilled series)
    Energy City
    Phase Three

    Cost is an issue with these as procuring the massive amounts of fruit additions is really expensive and continues to go up with inflation. It may be hard to find these for less than $7 a can, unfortunately.
  12. William_Navidson

    William_Navidson May 1, 2015 Pennsylvania

    Unfortunately, I don't think specifically what you're (both comparable to Schmoojee ridiculousness and available in Maryland and at a lesser price) looking for exists. Having tried a bunch of the different iterations, the closest / best analogues that will be reasonably obtainable for you in my personal opinion are Mortalis (yet likely to be very expensive when you find them in distribution in Maryland, another $28 4 pack) and Dewey Thrills (far closer to Schmoojee than Secret Machines, but I don't think these hit distribution).

    And I know you didn't ask, but as a personal aside... man, I don't know how you drink these things on a regular basis without getting tired of them. Especially Imprint, who I refuse to buy from whatsoever anymore given how shoddy some of their output is (I know they put some good stuff out too... but it's so hit or miss it's not even worth trying given their prices, for me).
    Beer_Economicus likes this.
  13. TurkeysDrinkBeer

    TurkeysDrinkBeer Sep 8, 2018 Virginia

    Look into The Veil. They have a few different smoothie sours series they put out pretty often. Very comparable to the stuff Imprint is doing
    Beer_Economicus likes this.
  14. thebeers

    thebeers Sep 10, 2014 Pennsylvania
    Society Trader

    I got a flight of these types of beers at The Answer some years back and really enjoyed them. I’ve liked some others I’ve had, too. Mortalis, Ever Grain and Other Half come to mind.

    I tried a flight of Schmoojees at Imprint when they first came out and found them to be almost undrinkably sweet. Like Pixy Stix territory. (Got some of their other beers during COVID and they had the honor of being the only beers I’ve had that exploded — but that’s another story.)

    Has anyone been drinking the Imprint Schmojees since pre-COVID days? Have they gotten better or is the love for them here simply because they are the sweetest beverages available?
  15. Lucular

    Lucular Jun 20, 2014 Maryland
    Society Trader

    Fair enough. I'll keep trying them on tap (when they're being paid for by someone else, thankfully) and occasionally buying cans when the contents sound appealing. They're not something I drink all that often.
    #15 Lucular, Aug 31, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 2, 2022
    Beer_Economicus likes this.
  16. FBarber

    FBarber Mar 5, 2016 Illinois
    Moderator Society Trader

    Alright everyone, I cleaned up this thread.

    OP asked for substitution suggestions for a beer - let's keep replies on topic and focused on helpful responses only. If you'd prefer to complain about/debate the merits of a particular style, feel free to start a new thread for that.
    lucius10 likes this.
  17. jzeilinger

    jzeilinger Dec 4, 2004 Pennsylvania
    Society Trader

    If you can get your hands on some cans from 450 North, that's where Imprint learned the process. (Imprint flew out to Indiana and spent some time in Columbus to learn how they were doing theirs.) Unfortunately 450 North is pricey also. For the style, Imprint and 450 North have been the two best I've had.
    Lucular, lucius10 and BigIronH like this.
  18. Beer_Economicus

    Beer_Economicus Apr 8, 2017 Ohio

    I actually enjoy the heavily fruited sours. They are tasty. I drink beer because I like the taste, whether it is a stout, a lager, an IPA, etc. These are no different. People love to shit on them. Look, they aren’t like “normal beer”, but a mimosa isn’t like champagne. It’s different. It can still be delicious. If they aren’t your thing. Fine. Just like how an actual smoothie or a mimosa isn’t your thing. Fine.

    Everyone in this thread had pretty much summed up everything I could say. The Andwer isn’t thick, but they are still tasty. I recommend trying them if you visit the brewpub.
    Lucular and lucius10 like this.
  19. Rug

    Rug Aug 20, 2018 Massachusetts
    Society Trader

    Well they're not beer, but have you had Smooj? It's a smoothie seltzer that's just incredible to crush
    lucius10 and FBarber like this.