Shitstorm LIF

How to speak Minnesotan- [flipping|whipping] shitties: doughnuts

 

Actually, I'm only living in MN, was whipping shitties in Texas a long time before I moved up nort.

 

This one time, some douchebag tried to front like he had a 550 bottle plus cellar then sent us a four month old ipa and countless other old shitty ipas, acted as if he made a mistake and thought he did a good job. Then acted like he was the victim...boo hoo, ban that fuck forever, we all are better off.

 

Lol..I was wondering what the Hell he was talking about!

 

Are you really still bitching about that?

 

I was poking fun in response to seawatchmans above post. Once he drops it I will.

 

one of the guys i went to DLD with had a similar thing happen, due to poor stacking, when we pulled into the hotel he lost a couple of bottles... thankfully just a rye'd da lightning and a mutiny & the mollusk..

 

haha, fun LIF idea... here's mine... this is all currently happening and has not been resolved yet.

A previous trading partner asked if I could send out a case of heady toppers for his buddy's wedding in philly. I was happy to oblige, of course, because weddings are generally fun, but they would all be a lot more fun if there were heady toppers there. To balance brewery freshness with timeliness, I grabbed the case on a monday and shipped on tuesday to make sure it was there before saturday (wedding day). Fast forward to thursday, the package is damaged right outside philly. SHIT! Naturally, FedEx won't deliver it, so they start sending it back to me. So I go down to the brewery, pick up another case, because I'll be damned if FedEx is gonna stop this guy from drinking these beers on his effin wedding day. Overnight it, it got there no problem this time and everyone is doin' alright. The groom has his beers, and I have a case-ish of toppers coming back to me, which I'm going to send out to my partner. A little bit stressful on the thursday of rush buying and shipping, but the situation was going as well as it could.


UNTIL FEDEX RETURNED MY PACKAGE ACROSS THE STREET INSTEAD OF TO MY HOUSE. In the real world this would not be a problem, but since my neighbor apparently does not live in the same world you and I do, they called fedex to come pick it back up and bring it across the street (roughly 200 feet) to my house. They could have just brought it over here, they could have walked over, gotten me, and I could have grabbed the package and walked it over, but instead they called fedex. No big deal, right?

WRONG

I called fedex again because my online tracking still said "delivered" (which it was, just not to MY house) and after a long conversation with an employee who seemed to rock an IQ of about 10, I was informed that my package had been picked up and was on the truck for delivery. I was calling them to see if it had been picked up yet, or if I should go knock on my neighbors door again to see if they were home this time. I said to the guy on the phone "Alright! If it's on the truck for delivery, that's good enough for me. Thanks a bunch, man!" Long drawn out story, but finally it has come to a close and I'll have the beer in my hands so I can see the damage, right?


WRONG!!!!!!!

After it was on the truck for delivery, it was returned to the fedex shipping center in Williston(which is not my house, btw) WHERE THEY DECIDED TO SHIP IT BACK TO PHILLY....

that's right, back to philly.

So now I'm up here in VT, my package has been from here, to PA, to my neighbor's house, to back to Williston, for a nice long ride around the countryside of VT, back to Williston, down to CT and onwards to who knows where.

And here I am sitting with no idea of one can busted or if theres one can left. Also, the lady on the phone said if it is leaking and the cardboard is falling apart they'll most likely just toss is out. They opened the package when it was damaged first, so they know its beer and so I don't think a claim will work. Now I just sit here, waiting, hoping my package shows back up sometime next week.

Cheers

 

I'd been looking for Alaskan Barleywine for awhile. settled on a trade with a great BA for a '08 vintage bottle. popped it on my beer shelf for later...

few weeks later, I'm straightening up my 15 year old son's bedroom and as I move a rolled up mat across the room, out drops an empty bottle - Alaskan Barleywine '08 - seriously ? for crying out loud.

my beer closet now has a combination keypad.

 

The night before my 20th birthday, I was in Rome with my parents and brother. We had just gotten there that afternoon and were pretty jetlagged, but my dad and I decided to go out drinking for a while and my mom and bro opted to take a nap. We got pretty deep that afternoon, then headed to dinner with the rest of the family, where more was consumed. Then off to a bar after dinner for scotch and more beer. When I finally got back to the hotel room, I passed out on the bed, fully clothed with my feet on the ground. At some point during the night, I stood up, unbuttoned my pants, and started pissing all over the floor. Had no idea what was going on until I was staring my mom in the face while urinating on the floor of a pretty nice Italian hotel. My brother escorted me to the bathroom and tried to explain to me what I had done, but it really came together when I walked back into the room, threw a towel from the bathroom on the puddle, put my face in the pillow, and heard my mom scream "Happy fucking birthday you asshole!" right before falling back asleep.

TL;DR Got wasted in Italy, mom saw my dick, Happy fucking Birthday!

 

yeah - he said it was better than the 07 raison dextra that he and his buddy nicked out of the refrigerator about 6 weeks earlier because "the label was cool"...

geez.

edit: oh wait - I just reread rules - I have not had MoAS, though I do have a bottle ...

 

you probably need 2, your son will steal your other one.

 

no way ! Ive now got a cool-ass combination keypad on my beer closet door and it's rare that more beer is in the frig than what I plan to drink... puts a damper on the after work beer thang though.

the upside is that im pretty sure this kid will only be drinking good beer in 4 years - and I'll have someone to take me on craft beer runs when I'm too old to drive.

okay - mr billyshears, I promise I'll stop monopolizing the thread now ; )

 

About 4 years ago on my second batch of homebrew I bottled it a bit early with too much sugar per oz. Most of it was fine as we also opened them early before all the sugar had fermented. Others I had to burp every week or so to let pressure out of the bottle. Those were also consumed safely.
Then I move out of the apartment, and a rouge bomber was left behind in the back of a cupboard. My friend was still living there so when I went back about three months later I found the bomber and decided to take it home. I threw it in the cab of my truck and started off. After a little shopping at Costco I’m in the parking lot ready to pack up all of the crap that I got and when I open the door to my truck the bomber slips out. Needless to say it had turned into a real bomb via the extra fermentation time. Seven stitches in my leg later, and countless other little cuts all over me. I still have this dent in my shin to show the girls.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/34152548@N07/7646496840/

 

I have many embarrassing alcohol related stories. This is far from the most embarrassing, but it is the one that gets told the most around my house (not by me). When I got my first real job at 15 I was assigned to train with a girl that I thought was drop dead gorgeous. She ended up being really chill on top of it. Anyway she had a boyfriend and they were together all throughout high school. Fast forward 4 1/2 years (or... for legal reasons 6) and I'm home from college for a weekend and bump into her. She's since broken up with the guy. She invites me to go to concert (outdoor lawn seating) with her and 2 other couples. It was a band I really wasn't into (DMB). I did know the other 2 guys that were going and we end up drinking a cooler of beer in the parking lot before going into the show. Fast forward through the opening acts and I realize that I need to use the bathroom. One problem, there are about 5,000 people between where I'm standing and the bathroom - no way I'll find my way back. In my completely coherent state of mind I decide the best course of action would be to use the empty water bottle that I found on the ground. I ask my date to stand in front of me and block what I'm doing as we're dead center of a huge crowd of people on all sides. I do my business, but the bottle isn't big enough... it overflows. She whips around and incredibly loudly asks if i "just pissed on her legs". I did and she was pissed. I'm sure at least 200 people turned and stared at me. There was a silver lining though, she still married me 6 years later and tells everyone about our "first date".

 

dont worry, shes seen it before.

 

I knew this would eventually benefit me in a positive way. Thanks and cheers!