Pure Guava Petite Sour
Crooked Stave Artisan Beer Project

Points off for not making PURE GUAVA in enormous font, shove the petite sour in-between the UPC code bars for all I care, the only thing that matters is seeing PURE GUAVA in font so large and so intense (obviously not the font that's currently on the label, that crap is PETITE in the COOL department) that anyone simply in the same zip code as a bottle will have Boognish tattoos within 24 hours, it would be 3 hours but there's so many people in line waiting for their Boognish tattoos that they'll have to wait in line for their chance to honor their new God. If you don't know who/what Boognish is I suggest you start questioning your life choices and then be determined to drastically alter your petite boring world forever by dressing up as the kind of human being you've always wanted to be, then take all those clothes off and burn them. take the underwear out of the fire just before they become unwearable without tape or suspenders, that is what you wear to the record store.Walk, don't run, don't Über you lazy slab of petite muscles and grańde problems (about to all be solved, keep reading) and for the love of Boognish DO NOT order online you lazy slab of....you know the rest. When you arrive at record store insist the clerk bring you the album Pure Guava by the band Ween on a golden chalice that is balancing on the top of a lamb or small child that has been raised by lambs and has never seen or heard another human being until the trapping just occurred. The lamb or lamb boy should be painted head to tail with a combination of Pure Guava beer, ashes from a church fire we will blame on the lamb boy, blood from the previous lamb boy (RIP) that refused to get in the cage and some sage to make it all spiritual and new agey in case there's any hippie chicks around they get their Pabst all blue ribboned whenever they smell sage burning if you catch my drift. Now, please return ASAP unless you got your fingerprints all over it then you must soak it overnight in something I can't legally say just go on the dark web and look around. Then send it. If there are in fact hippie chicks in the record store they will probably be topless by now, make sure the lamb boy is watching, we want him to be enticed to never run back to the wool caves again. He'll be useful in Phase 12 of Boognishology World Domination Plan, sorry for that you have to be at least a level 9, you aren't even in level 0 yet. If you haven't punched the clerk and given your number to the hippie chicks by now you will never reach 1 much less 12 goodbye. If you did punch the clerk, give the digits out and ran home with Pure Guava, congratulations. You show real promise. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE STOLEN RECORD UNTIL: Send me your address and I'll send a care package that you must ingest before listening for the first time. If you hear any "baa-baa...water please" sounds coming from inside you should probably open immediately or at least punch some holes in the box. Don't ingest anything not labeled "INGEST THIS" There will be quite lengthy instructions on what to do and in what order, if the maker of those baaaaa sounds ate the instructions you are going to have to take him to a doctor that will slice them out no questions asked. Because I'm a very busy professional athlete and have no time to tell my assistant to resend stuff, she's busy doing other things for this all star and famous cool funny smart handsome ball playing star celebrity man. P.S. The beer is ok, I'm not a fan of fruit in beer unless it's guava. Crooked Stave didn't get their name out of a random hat dictionary, them boys be painting bananas pink and green and purple, you know, guava colors and throwing some sour candy in the hops or whatever, you are the beer experts, I'm the paparazzi punching and drug test avoiding superstar athlete, you tell me how they make banana fool the guava expectors. I no fool, I guava expert, but I give this beer a high rating because it has Pure Guava in the title. As this review noted at the beginning, would have been 5 stars but they didn't flaunt Pure Guava on the label like smart beer guys. Beer itself doesn't matter just pour out the chunky banana goop and use the bottle to fight off the pack of wild dogs that are going to be a nuisance to you until you get to Level 3. It's just part of the package, dog. You'll be glad you stuck through it. Aim for the belly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On tap. Poured a light amber color with a small, off-white head of foam. It smelled tart and sweet at the same time. I'm not entire sure what guava tastes like, but there's a fruitiness that must be the guava. Sweet and tart and tasty.

 

 

 

 

Pours a cloudy light peach color. Smells all tropical and tasty. Ummmmm. That'd like very tropical grout with a touch of sour at the end. I like that a lot.

Shared by Richard on 1-14-12.