Funny quotes from beer reviews

See Bud Chelada, I believe you could fill a few pages with funny/bad reviews

https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/29/37389/

 

"This is some fucked up repugnant shit." -Pulp Fiction

1 pint 8 fl oz can acquired at a cheap Mexican cornerstore in Los Angeles and served into a hefeweissbier glass in me gaff. Reviewed live. Expectations could not be worse.

A: Three finger head of off-pink vomit colour (really, it's fucking uncanny), terrible retention, and no cream. Colour is a nontransparent hazy red. Horrible appearance all around.

Sm: Vomit and tomato puree, with perchance some light grapefruit. This is one of the worst aromas I've ever encountered. And it's moderately strong to boot.

T: Vomit and tomato. Perhaps putrefaction and vague meconium to boot. Really one of the foulest concoctions I've ever endeavored to swallow. Some light clam notes are present, which add to the mixture in a distinctly miserable way. Horribly, wretchedly built and balanced. Atrociously awful. What in Ireland we refer to as "utter shite". It's like they combined ******'s bodily fluids (and I do mean ALL of them) with smegma. I imagine it would taste the same on the way up. Seriously disgusting.

Mf: Smooth and wet.

Dr: It's appalling this beer even has a market. Who buys this more than once? This is plain terrible. This is otherwordly in its wretchedness. There's a distinct vomit note, and I say that without hyperbole. It would actually be better if it were watery. Please for the love of God don't consume this filth. This is an insult to beer, even by AH Busch standards. Jaysus H Fooking Christ, lads. Don't even use this for cooking. Unfathomably foul.

On the plus side, this probably has enough calories to last you the whole day, so there's value there if you're a decrepit homeless man (or woman - let's be P.C.!) living in alleyway squalor.

If this isn't a 1 out of 5, what is? Where do we draw the line?
@Jugs_McGhee

 

It's not that bad

 

Nah, son; I can make my own. And I guarantee it's better than whatever Budweiser is peddlin'.

Same with hard seltzer. Fucking hell, man; I can mix my own vodka soda.

 

I would hope so, maybe you could start your own Chelada and Seltzer beverage truck.

 

This beer was ahead of it's time, but honestly I hope it's time is when I am long dead.

 

Yeah and my soda will be stronger than 8%

 

Bud Chelada is THE best commercially made michelada you can get at every gas station. Not even close. I love drinking them. The Golden Road collab ones with Grupo Modelo are better, but I don't see them as much. I need to keep an eye out.

 

I'll just go with this classic piece from @UGADawgGuy . He takes descriptions to another level.

 

That is the all-time classic.

 

Some of the other ones are hilarious too.
I think I (& the gf) tried SA Triple Bock , back-when. It was something from SA, so assuming it was this. Wasn't on BA, so didn't record the experience for posterity. I do remember one of the cats sniffing it, and seeming to have a near-death experience. Thankfully, we had enough other beer and wine to almost forget it +/-, by next morning, & render the trauma, thereafter, a bit hazy.

 

Overlord was spot on!!!!

 

Yes it is

 

That is terrible, saddening news

 

One man's trash is another man's treasure.

 

I will say, @superspak you impress me. I don’t understand how you have the palate you do to get the descriptions you give, and yet you have reviewed (and consumed) so many awful beers. I would think that having that palate would make so many of the awful beers truly terrifying disgusting. I don’t have the palate you do to get all the nuance, but I have a pretty decent palate (for food at least), and my god I have drain poured so many beers. Life is too short to drink garbage.

 

This thread unfortunately reminds me of some of the truly dreadful "beers" I have been exposed to over the years. One, in particular, was "Romulan Ale", some blue-colored dreck that someone brought to a tasting party for laughs. Bottling the fluids ejected from Linda Blair in The Exorcist would have been an improvement. I'm pretty sure a sanitation district could win awards at GABF for their unprocessed sewage before I could drink that stuff again without triggering a gag reflex.

 

This reminds me of that blueberry beer from a macro (but looked like craft) that was around seemingly everywhere from 2007-2014 (at least, but this is when I remember seeing it). Truly terrible stuff.